tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-30452027622447286572024-02-02T14:15:05.261-08:00Loeta Educational ConsultantsLoeta Educational Consultants is a team of independent educational consultants who work with families from around the country to find appropriate academic and/or emotional environments for their children and loved ones.
WWW.LOETAEDUCATION.COMBar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.comBlogger25125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-79129831732844739002015-09-03T10:28:00.000-07:002015-09-05T17:54:16.491-07:00The Evolving Role of Independent Educational Consultants, Part 2<div class="MsoNormal">
Times change.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Recent events, both large and small, have hammered this
point home for me these last few months.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>On the positive side, it cost me a few less bucks to fill my gas tank
yesterday than it did a few weeks ago; but that joy was quickly squelched when my
eldest daughter’s college tuition bill came due.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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For those of you who are followers of Loeta and consistent
readers of this blog, you know that we pride ourselves on our ability to change
with the times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Our last blog was all about the changing demographics of our clients, and before that we have spoken about changes in programming and schools as well. Throughout all of this change one thing remains consistent; the</span> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">product</i> that we are delivering, however if one were to look at the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">delivery
method</i> today versus 5 years ago one would see a marked difference.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Whether it be more flexible contract lengths, more a-la-carte
services being offered, an emphasis on case management, or more effective use
of video conferencing and s<a href="http://www.facebook.com/loetaeducation" target="_blank">ocial media</a>; more so than ever the overall trend is
that educational consultants must look at each case individually, work <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">with</i> the clients and meet the clients
where they are (both literally and metaphorically) as opposed to the older
model of generating lists and doing straight placement.<o:p></o:p></div>
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When speaking with families I tell them that with 25 years
experience, and literally hundreds of site visits and clients during that time,
when it comes to the schools and programs - I am indeed the expert.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Conversely they have raised their child,
changed diapers, mended skinned knees, and been there through the good times
and bad; therefore <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">they </i>are the experts
when it comes to their child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I let
families know I depend upon their expertise, and that <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">as a team</i> we will find the best possible academic and/or emotional
environment for their at-risk loved one.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So yes, times have changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>While many lament at the fact that we can’t buy a new car for $5,000 or
home for $50,000, I prefer to embrace the fact that we now have so many more
options; newer and better ways to communicate and deliver information, a wealth
of research and education when it comes to new modalities of treatment and a
society which is finally embracing the fact that different doesn’t necessarily
mean bad.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Now If I could just do something about that college tuition
bill…<o:p></o:p></div>
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Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-21004658570284351322015-04-30T10:35:00.001-07:002015-04-30T10:35:15.939-07:00The changing face of Educational Consulting
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">So here we are, yet
again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After taking advantage of a few
opportunities to work in direct care the last few years, we are so very excited
to be back to our roots of educational consulting and therapeutic placement. Now
that we are back full-time and taking clients, it seems an opportune time
to (re)ask ourselves the tough questions; how has the field of educational
consulting changed? Are we staying on top of the trends? And most importantly,
how can we serve our families, more specifically our clients, better?</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Certainly we have
tweaked the delivery of our services these last few years; For example, we no
longer do placement only but we also now offer case management services, which
is unique in our field. Also, as many of you know we are one of the
few educational consulting firms which is firmly entrenched in
the addiction world. In this capacity we with a network of
interventionists, short and long term residential programs and sober
living homes to assist our clients whose primary struggle is addiction.</span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">All that being said,
when looking back over the data from these last five years, one statistic comes
through loud and clear. Yes, the adolescent market is still the lion's
share of our practice but the young adult market, and all its complexities, is
an ever growing aspect of our consulting practice. As a profession we
have seen this coming down the pipeline for a while now. All one needs to
do is to ask an IEC who does therapeutic work what is the biggest trend they
have seen over the last 5 years, and almost universally one will hear
it's that their clientele has gotten both older and
sicker. </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Certainly those on the
programming end of things have seen this trend for a while now, and have
expanded their services accordingly. For example, many wilderness
programs and residential programs now offer a young adult track to augment the
fine work they already do. One only needs to go back a few years when options
for the 18-25 year old whose primary diagnosis was <i>not </i>substance related
were few and far between. </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Simultaneous to
this phenomenon of program expansion, there has been an
explosion of age-specific programs for young adults recently. Having
spent the better part of the last year working directly with young men in
recovery, we feel we are well educated on the trends in the addiction world and
have positioned ourselves well to take advantage of the opportunities out there
for families who are struggling.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>With this new knowledge base, Loeta will be in
a strong position to serve families well along their entire journey. </span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 10pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span><br />
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: "Times New Roman",serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 107%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">We
look forward to hearing from you about how Loeta can assist you and your
families.</span><o:p></o:p><br />
Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-32584958404818759952014-03-27T14:50:00.000-07:002014-03-27T14:50:13.761-07:00The Evolving Role of Independent Educational Consultants<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">“Oh man.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I thought, “This
won’t end well.”<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">That is seriously what I thought, I mean just about every time
I have witnessed one of these audience participation/role modeling exercises at
a conference the inevitable happens. Someone acts like the joker, or tries to figure out the “trick”
and the presenter ends up trying to reel in a crowd where half are mentally
somewhere else, and the other half are doing emails. The expression herding cats often comes to mind...</span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">But this time it was different. At one point I looked around, and people
were really watching, almost eagerly anticipating the dreaded horn sound when
the participants, some of whom slipped right into playing appropriate roles,
made a mistake.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>By the end the whole audience,
numbering close to 125, was enthralled and eager to see how this activity is
used in the field.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Welcome to the 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> Annual FITS Conference, hosted
and put on by </span><a href="http://www.snwp.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Second Nature Wilderness Programs.</span></a><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Now what made this all work so well was the brilliance of
metaphorically locking IEC’s and treatment professionals in a room together and
forcing all of us to see that we are all doing the same thing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Now of course I am coming at this from the
angle of an Educational Consultant, but for years it seems that so many people
have made assumptions about the roles that IEC’s play in the placement and
follow up care of clients who struggle in more traditional settings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Granted, if you were to sit 10 IEC’s down,
you would most likely get 10 different answers, but I truly feel that the good
IEC’s, ones who have worked to understand the treatment world, understand the unique
collaborative nature of this side of the business.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">It was an utter joy to sit down and see my fellow IEC’s
sitting and chatting with interventionists and therapists, and no one seemed threatened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Everyone understood that we are all in this
for the same reason, and we all bring our own unique skill set and expertise to
the table.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead of resentment and
accusations, we witnessed folks truly spending time trying to learn from each other;
plans were made to have IEC’s attend and even present at what are traditionally
thought of as addiction conferences, panels with professionals from all corners of the treatment world, hosted by wilderness therapists and being peppered with questions from therapists, IEC' s and interventions ended 15 minute late because no-one wanted them to end and typical of this field, I have never seen so many hugs
when a group said good bye.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">Just like that wonderfully mixed group who participated in
the activity during that session, we were a mixed crew; a crew who realized
that after a great deal of wrangling, negotiation, denial and missteps that to reach
our common goal we all need to work together.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
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<o:p><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 8pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span></o:p></div>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">
</span>Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-20502005328393884902013-12-10T08:39:00.000-08:002013-12-10T08:39:29.965-08:00Educational Consulting with the "Failure to Launch" generation; what does independence really mean?<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Last
week, after spending the day at the School Connections meeting in Boston, MA, I
treated myself with a date, a date with my college freshman daughter. It’s always hard to get a few minutes with
her, between her studying (ha!) and basketball practice/games and me running my
own business, it’s a rare moment that this Dad can sneak away and have an
uninterrupted dinner with his (now) adult daughter. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">During
the course of our dinner between mouthfuls and small talk about her sister and
my parents, there was a silence, and then she exclaimed, “You know I really do
live on my own now. Think about it, I
get myself to classes, practice and games, get my own meals and don’t have to
tell anyone where I’m going” Almost immediately I thought, well if you truly
live on your own I guess I can pass along these tuition bills to you, but I
suppressed that somewhat sarcastic response and just sat back, smiled and
watched her as she explained to me the rigors of being in college. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">After I
got back from dinner I started thinking about what my daughter has talked
about, and it got me thinking; what does independence really mean? I’m sure we all have different definitions –
is it living outside of the home? On
your own? Or is it when you get your
first job and that heavily coveted paycheck.
Maybe it is as my daughter says and it’s when you head off to college or
basic training. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">Here’s
the kicker; it doesn't matter what </span><i style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">your</i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">
perception if independence is; it’s what </span><i style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif;">their</i><span style="font-family: Times New Roman, serif;">
perception is. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Think
about it, if a child feels independent, in their mind then they are. Now what that independence looks like, and whether
we agree that they truly are independent is a whole different discussion. Also a different discussion is why we seem to
have such a huge number of dependent, or failure to launch young adults on our
hands these days. Certainly theories
abound; kids are growing up too fast, there’s too much technology, kids aren’t
responsible enough, poor diets, poor parenting, they’re just lazy, we’re just
lazy etc. etc. These are debates which are larger than this little blog, but
whatever the reason(s) the reality is that there are a growing number of kids
not taking what we consider the traditional path to adulthood.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">This
trend has impact across the board. In
the <a href="http://www.iecaonline.com/">Independent Educational Consultant</a> world, it means what we refer to as the
young adult market has exploded. While
not a scientific study, anecdotally the young adult portion of <a href="http://www.loetaeducation.com/">Loeta’s </a>business
has gone from less than 10% in 2009 to nearly 50% today. Coinciding with this has been an explosion of
young adult programming in our field.
Whether it be wilderness programs, augmented rehab programming or
residential therapeutic programs the choices are becoming wider and more varied. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">Some
of these programs do a great job of giving these clients an avenue to utilize
the tools they have gained over the years while getting them set up in a new
city in school or the workforce, while others start from step one with intense
therapy and/or treatment. Some are a
shorter more intense programs while others take up to a year to support their
clients. A young person can now choose a college based on the college’s
counseling and what kind of sobriety support they have; indeed we have come a
long ways from<a href="http://www.universalstudiosentertainment.com/animal-house/"> Faber College.</a><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">At <a href="http://www.loetaeducation.com/">Loeta</a>
we spend a lot of our time on the road visiting these programs, just as we do
with the adolescent programs, we get to know the people, we spend time with the
clients, and we work with the clients on helping choose just the right program
for them. It’s a different process than
the one when we work with families of adolescents, we acknowledge the
independence of the adults we are working with, and work in conjunction with
them, the programs and parents to help chart out a path. It’s a very collaborative process, and one we
are proud of.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif";">So after
dinner, I paid (of course), and we walked back to my “T” stop. After a hug
goodbye, I watched her run across the street on her way up to her dorm and I
though there goes a truly independent young woman, or, as I like to think of
her, my little girl.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-78978608033447468012013-10-23T08:42:00.001-07:002013-10-23T08:43:13.027-07:00Heather, Molly and Sophie; 2 are sweet kids, one is an illegal drug - do you know which is which?<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="ecxMsoNormalTable" id="ecxtabspan-top" style="background-color: white; color: #444444; line-height: 21px; width: 100%px;"><tbody style="line-height: 21px;">
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 22px;">Rarely here at <a href="http://www.loetaeducation.com/">Loeta </a>do we repeat the information shared in our newsletter in our blog, but we received such a positive response about this important information, we thought we'd break tradition this once..</span></span></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 22px;">So here is the October, 2013 <a href="http://campaign.vpweb.com/d1d5cae8-b3e6-4e4c-b707-9a8093c838bf/">Loeta Educational Consultants Newsletter</a>...As always we encourage you to pass this information along and please follow and share us; it really is the best way to spread the word!</span></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 22px;">We all know that Miley Cyrus has been in the news a lot lately, and being the father of two teenage daughters, and one who takes some pretty long road trips with them, I get to listen to a lot of music which isn't really, how shall I put it delicately, of my generation. In any case, on a recent road trip, I found myself listening to some Miley Cyrus music. While I wasn't able to make out all of the lyrics, I can tell you it's safe to say that Ms. Cyrus's Hannah Montana days are but a distant memory to her. Anyway, listening to her music got me thinking...</span></div>
</div>
<div id="ecxctrl-6611475" style="line-height: 21px;">
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"> </span></span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; line-height: 22px;">No, I'm not going to talk about twerking, (I'll admit it now, I was one of those who actually had to look that up) I'm going to talk about Miley's song, "We Can't Stop". You might know the one, where she utters the line, "Dancing with Molly." After I heard it, and did some investigation into the expression "Dancing with Molly," I started to think; just how knowledgeable am I about the drugs being consumed these days?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 22px;">So I did a little research, and came up with some sobering facts. The scariest to me is this; according to the Office of National Drug Control Policy(2010) "National data on emergency room visits document a dramatic escalation in the number of admissions for non-medical use for prescription and over the counter drugs. The number of admissions grew from 538,237 in 2004 to 917,974 in 2008 <b style="line-height: 22px;"><i style="line-height: 22px;">an increase of 81%</i></b> , contrasted with a<b style="line-height: 22px;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"> less than 1% </i></b>increase in the numbers of visits involving illicit drugs such as cocaine, heroin, marijuana and methamphetamine.</span></span></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 22px;">So just how much do we know about the drugs people are using and abusing these days? Do we know the difference when someone talks about Triple C's or RISP? Or are we hopelessly out of it? We accept that as adults we will always be a bit out of it, but that doesn't mean we are allowed to turn a blind eye to what's going on; it's time to get educated. As for my own education, at least now the next time I hear that Miley is dancing with Molly I'll know she's making a drug reference, not talking about dancing with one of her girlfriends....But you already knew that, right?</span></span></div>
<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 22px;">BTW, Triple C is one of the street names for dextromethorphan, or DXM a commonly abused OTC (over the counter) drug, RISP is runners in scoring position, a baseball stat; go <a href="http://www.redsox.com/">Sox</a></span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 25px;">'Dabbing' the new drug of choice for teens?</span></i></b><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Posted: 09/16/2013</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #2a638e; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">By: MaryEllen Resendez</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">It’s a new twist on an old drug and it’s becoming increasingly more popular among teens in Arizona.</span></div>
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<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">The drug is called “Butane Hash Oil” or BHO.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">On the street it goes by many names including shatter, wax, ear wax, honey oil, amber or dabbing. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">Dabbing because you only need a dab.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“It's something that you need one hit of and you’re good for quite a while," said Shane Watson with the </span><a href="http://www.vpweb.com/EmailMarketing/Link.aspx?s=97552f36-1f12-482a-ab4f-1d88826a7f53&h=3fa06fc2-2870-4a62-9261-838a6dc10034" style="color: blue; cursor: pointer; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; line-height: 18px;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #2a638e; line-height: 18px;">“Not My Kid”</span></a><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;"> organization.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"> </span></span><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Watson helps educate parents on the dangers of teens and drugs. Watson speaks from the heart, because he’s lived with the addiction hash oil can cause.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“I was the good student, I was the good kid, I was smart, I was strong and I was successful,” recalls Watson.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">He was the kid no one guessed would do drugs, but he did. He started with alcohol and marijuana, but his curiosity lead him to hash oil and harsher drugs, including methamphetamine and heroin.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“I told myself tales that's not going to happen to me, I can out think it, I can out power it, I can outwork it,” said Watson.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">But he couldn't; soon drugs were overpowering him.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“It was intense. I felt like I was walking through wet concrete," is how Watson describes the hash oil experience.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Watson lost a decade of his life to addiction. He hurt those around him and soon found he had lost everything.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“The bottom was waking up in Durango jail here in Phoenix being charged with multiple felonies. In one shot, in one evening, everything was gone," recalls a remorseful Watson.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Now Watson and Not My Kid are seeing a rise in the popularity of hash oil among teens, some users as young as 11 years old.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Only in this latest butane form of hash, oil is much more potent.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">According to <a href="http://www.vpweb.com/EmailMarketing/Link.aspx?s=97552f36-1f12-482a-ab4f-1d88826a7f53&h=3b6582d4-ebb1-4d94-b7da-7f47edb08369" style="color: blue; cursor: pointer; line-height: 18px;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #2a638e; line-height: 18px;">Not My Kid,</span></a> strong strains of marijuana contain 25% tetrahydrocannabinol or THC, while some butane hash oil can contain upwards of 60-90% THC.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">For teens, it’s easier to conceal, easier to carry, but much more dangerous to make.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“It uses butane, a very dangerous and flammable solvent and there have been fires. there have been explosions,” explains Watson.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Watson points out to a recent explosion in a town house in Tucson where cooking a batch of “Dab” set off back-to-back explosions and sent glass flying 15 feet into the air.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Another danger is butane can be left in the oil.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“The person that uses it could be smoking butane which is neurotoxic and very dangerous,” Watson warns.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">The oil is thick like honey and sometimes the same color. It can be a yellow wax like honey combs or ear wax, but it can tar colored.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Watson tells ABC15 teens will often use household items to make “Dab."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Parents should look for items like butane containers, glass or metal tubes, glass baking dishes, isopropyl alcohol, and coffee filters.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“It's a reality out there and it's something parents need to be aware of and wake up to that it is happening,” Watson stresses.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Watson tells ABC15 teens will often use household items to make “Dab."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Parents should look for items like butane containers, glass or metal tubes, glass baking dishes, isopropyl alcohol, and coffee filters.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“It's a reality out there and it's something parents need to be aware of and wake up to that it is happening,” Watson stresses.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Watson tells ABC15 teens will often use household items to make “Dab."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Parents should look for items like butane containers, glass or metal tubes, glass baking dishes, isopropyl alcohol, and coffee filters.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">“It's a reality out there and it's something parents need to be aware of and wake up to that it is happening,” Watson stresses.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Watson agreed to speak to ABC15 about his drug experiences to help educate kids about the effects and dangers of drugs, and to discourage the use of them.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 22px;">Can you match the street name with the drug?</span></i></b><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 22px;">1 Molly a Ritalin</span></i></b><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 22px;">2 Special K b DXM</span></i></b><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 22px;">3 Kibbles n Bits Ecstasy</span></i></b><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 25px;">Prescription Drug Abuse Up Among U.S. Teens</span></i></b><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;">More than 5 million, nearly 25 percent, said they had abused these medications</span></i></b><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><b style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;">By Alan Mozes</span></b><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><br style="line-height: 18px;" /><i style="line-height: 18px;">HealthDay Reporter</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">The United States appears to be in the throes of a prescription drug abuse crisis among teens, with a new survey showing that 24 percent of high school students -- more than 5 million kids -- have abused these medications.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">That's a 33 percent increase from 2008, the survey authors noted. They said that 13 percent of teens acknowledged having experimented at least once with either Ritalin or Adderall (normally prescribed for the treatment of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD) that was not prescribed for them.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">What's more, 20 percent of teens who admit they have abused prescription drugs said their first experience doing so was before the age of 14, with 27 percent mistakenly believing that prescription drug abuse is safer than "street drugs," such as cocaine or ecstasy.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Compounding the problem: The parents surveyed seemed to share in this misconception, with almost one-third buying into the notion that Ritalin or Adderall can boost a child's school performance even if the child is </span><i style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: medium; line-height: 18px;">not </i><span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">diagnosed with ADHD.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">The findings stem from a nationally representative poll launched in 2012 by The Partnership at Drugfree.org, in conjunction with the MetLife Foundation. The survey involved nearly 3,900 teens currently enrolled in grades 9 through 12 at public, private and parochial schools, along with more than 800 parents who participated in at-home interviews.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">"From my perspective, one way to look at this is that we've got a real public health crisis," said Steve Pasierb, president and CEO at the Partnership organization. "And it's not getting better. In fact, it's getting deeper and more complex," he said.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">"The key here is that kids and often their parents are buying into the myth and misunderstanding that prescription drug abuse is a safer way to get high, a safer alternative to street drugs, and that they can control it," Pasierb continued. "And it's very important to note that, on this, kids and parents are in the same place. Kids say that they don't think that their parents are going to be upset if they know about this, and parents are essentially saying the same thing," he pointed out.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">"Now, if cocaine or heroin use was going up the way prescription drug use is parents would certainly be freaking out," Pasierb added. "And they should be now, because prescription drug abuse is no better."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Among the findings: one-third of teens think there's nothing particularly wrong with the notion of using prescription medications that were never prescribed for them to tackle a specific injury or illness, with almost one-quarter believing that their parents are more concerned about street drug use than the misuse of prescription drugs.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Sixteen percent of parents also said they think prescription drugs are less dangerous than street drugs.</span></div>
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<div class="ecxMsoNormal" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 22px; margin-bottom: 1.35em;">
<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Perhaps this explains another survey finding: While about four in five teens said they had discussed both alcohol and marijuana use with their parents and almost one-third said they had talked with them about crack/cocaine, only between 14 percent and 16 percent said that the topic of painkiller/prescription drug abuse had ever come up.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">This was true despite the fact that a parent's medicine cabinet is the repository for 56 percent of the prescription meds teens say they are abusing, the poll found, with nearly half of parents acknowledging that there are no barriers to access at home.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Indeed, 20 percent of parents actually admitted to willfully giving their teen a prescription med that they had on hand, for which their child had no prescription.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">That said, Pasierb stressed that the goal of the survey was to draw needed attention to the misconceptions that are at the heart of a rapidly growing problem.</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">"We know that kids who start abusing when they are very young are much more likely to have an addiction problem as adults," he said. "So, parents need to intervene. They need to control supply and demand by locking up their medicine cabinets and throwing out old expired drugs. And they need to constantly weigh in, starting at very young age, even if they think they have the greatest kid in the world. They need to tell their child about the risks, and make clear how upset they will be if their child abuses these drugs."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">One parent speaks from experience.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">"I had to learn to set real rules for our home," acknowledged Kat Carnes, a single mom from Houston who has been helping her teenage daughter struggle with an addiction problem that involved a mix of alcohol, street drugs (such as ketamine, ecstasy and cocaine), and prescription meds (including antidepressants).</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">"She was in 8th grade when all this happened," Carnes recalled. "[But] as I learned more, I discovered that she had been using for a couple of years already, especially during her 7th-grade year, when I was battling breast cancer and not able to focus as closely on her as I probably should have."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Yet, Carnes said the mistakes she made as a parent who initially overlooked her child's growing addiction problem were "pretty common," despite the fact that she is well-versed in medicine and health issues, through her work as a scientific editor and a manager at a major local cancer center.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">"I just sort of counted on her to do the right things," Carnes added, "and when she didn't I either tried to minimize it or just hid from it because I didn't know what to do."</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">Carnes explained that her daughter has now been sober for almost 22 months, with the assistance of a local drug abuse 12-step program and the camaraderie of other families struggling with teen drug abuse. Although careful to describe her daughter's recovery as an ongoing "process," she suggests that much of the progress has been rooted in open and honest communications.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #404040; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', serif; font-size: small; line-height: 18px;">"We hold each other accountable," said Carnes, "for our words and actions."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;"><i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;">Answers to drug quiz...</span></i><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"></span></span></div>
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<i style="line-height: 22px;"><span style="color: #404040; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: small;">1c, 2d, 3a,4b</span></span></i></div>
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Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-34252695860074086432013-10-04T08:38:00.000-07:002013-10-04T08:38:11.969-07:00How "Undercover Boss" helped me become a better Independent Educational Consultant<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">Have any of you ever seen that show Undercover
Boss? </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17px;">I've</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> seen a few episodes over the
last few years, and it's quite an interesting show. I am always amused when they have the scene where the white collar boss (usually with a bad toupee on) attempts to work the
register of the fast food restaurant or is a chambermaid at a fancy hotel for one shift. There is always that odd juxtaposition of the
hotel owner being dressed down by hourly employee for not doing his or her job
right in the first scene, and then the look of shock when they realize it was
actually the owner they were scolding. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 107%;">Well in some ways that’s the way I spent my last
year. After 9 years away from running a
school, I was thrust back into the world of therapeutic boarding schools. And like the folks on "Undercover Boss", I often found
myself listening to parents, students and staff members speaking about their
Independent Educational Consultants (IEC’s), most of whom had no idea I had
spent 9 years being an IEC, and more than likely knew of whom they spoke. I’m not going to lie, during some of the
stories I winced at mistakes made, but I have to say that most of the stories I
heard made me realize how caring, intelligent and well-trained most IEC’s
really are. During this time of
listening I learned a lot about our profession, and have picked up a few
lessons…<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;">So
what exactly are these lessons? Well
first humility. Some of the most powerful and empowering moments I was involved
with this last year, were when I saw IEC’s work inclusively as opposed to
exclusively. I (re)learned very quickly
that no one person knows everything, and if we are truly out for the best
interest of the child we need to take advice and input for a wide range of
sources; parents, therapists and most importantly, the kids themselves.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 107%;">Second lesson?
You can’t communicate enough.
When one does this job for a while, I think one gets a little too
comfortable with the process. On a few occasions this year I was able to see
how effective communication from an IEC positively impacted a child’s stay at
my school. When an IEC is pro-active as
opposed to reactive, it is so much better for the child. We as IEC’s
know what the process looks like, but this last year really let me see the
families go through it all, and the thing I feel could have helped in almost
every tense situation was more communication. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">My third lesson is harder to define, but in
essence it’s to have more fun. In watching
the relationships between families and their IEC’s there was a </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17.27272605895996px;">discernible</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> difference
between the families who could sense the passion and enjoyment their IEC felt
for their job, and those who were seemingly just cashing a check. Our passion for what we do definitely comes
through, and our positive (or negative) energy most definitely impacts not only
the parents, but also the kids we are working with. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;">So now that </span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif;"><span style="line-height: 17px;">I've</span></span><span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> had my year as "Undercover
Educational Consultant," I am so excited to take the lessons I learned, couple them
with the </span><span style="line-height: 17px;">new-found</span><span style="line-height: 107%;"> passion I have for working with the kids and apply them to
all of my families. <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; font-size: small;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, serif; line-height: 107%;">Who knows, maybe this could be a new episode of
the show; I wonder who’d they get to play me??? <span style="font-size: small;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-29262185924642788932012-05-15T16:42:00.000-07:002012-05-15T16:43:10.037-07:00Bullying in the Age of Facebook...A Scary New World<br />
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I remember going to a summer hockey camp back in the mid 1970’s; 2 weeks of being on the ice an average of 6 or so hours a day with lots of other activities including tennis, swimming and flag-football games to fill the summer days of a bunch of 10-18 year old boys.
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Sounds pretty good, doesn’t it…
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Well it wasn’t. <br />
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You see I was one of the 10 year olds; low man on the totem pole, so my life was pretty rough. I was picked on and bullied fairly intensely, and I spent many nights crying in my pillow. But I was lucky, the leader of the camp was a nice gentleman who took me under his wing, and allowed me to escape. He would invite me over to his faculty apartment and I had quiet evenings away from what seemed like hell. By the end I even learned to really enjoy myself. In retrospect what I went through was really just a normal amount of “boys being boys”, and in many ways was a learning experience for me, but at the time it seemed pretty bad.
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The big difference between my experience and what happens today? I was able to get away, to escape. I wasn’t hounded 24/7. There was no Facebook, no mass texts, no internet. Think back for a bit; imagine if those bullies you faced in middle school had access to your entire life. Sounds pretty bad, doesn’t it. As adults we just can’t imagine it, but the reality is our children live it everyday. For those who compare what we went through as kids to what’s happening today, I say you are at best being naïve, at worst cold and unfeeling.
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I made it through that hockey camp unscathed. My hope is that you pass the this blog along to friends, professionals and kids so they can see what cyberbullying is all about, and more kids can make it through school the same way.
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The article below gives some great insight into the cyberbullying world, and has some great advice at the end. We need to ALL stand up against this.<br />
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<b><em>Cyberbullying versus Traditional Bullying
</em></b><br />
<b><em>When joking crosses the line.
Published on May 14, 2012 </em></b><br />
<b><em>by Raychelle Cassada Lohmann, M.S., L.P.C. in Teen Angst</em>
</b><br />
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Just how different is traditional bullying from cyberbullying? Studies are beginning to show that the way youth bully online is a lot different from traditional schoolyard bullying. Teens may think what they are posting or texting is just a joke, but if you're on the receiving end it may not be all that funny. In fact, if the "joking" is repetitive, it could cross the line into bullying, more specifically cyberbullying. <br />
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According to the American Academy of Pediatrics cyberbullying is the "most common online risk for all teens and is a peer to peer risk."
According to a study released by the University of British Columbia cyberbullying is a big problem, even more common than traditional bullying. About 25 to 30 percent of the young people surveyed admitted experiencing or taking part in cyberbullying, but only 12 percent said the same about traditional bullying. To top it off, 95 percent of the youth said that what happened online was meant to be a joke and about 5 percent was actually meant to harm someone. So, what makes cyberbullying so different from traditional bullying?
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In traditional bullying you're usually working with a bully, victim or bystander but that's not the case in cyberbullying. In fact, it's not uncommon to play multiple roles such as cyberbully, target and witness. Previous research indicates that cyberbullying is rarely pre-meditated like traditional bullying, where the bully plans his or her line of attack. In many cases cyberbullying is done impulsively and not planned out like in traditional bullying where the bully pre-meditates the next attack. Also, traditional bullying has the following characteristics that may not be present in cyberbullying cases:
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•a need for power and control
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•proactively targeting the victim
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•aggression
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So, just what is cyberbullying? By definition, it's the deliberate and repeated harm inflicted through the use of cell phones/Smartphone's, computers/tablets, and other electronic devices (including Wi-Fi gaming devices). It's an easier way to bully because unlike traditional bullying it doesn't involve face to face interaction. Teens can become desensitized to a computer screen, and say or do things they wouldn't do to a person's face. The computer desensitizes teens and decreases the level of empathy they feel toward the victim. Plus, when they can't see the person's reaction to what they post or text they may not know if they've gone too far.
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It appears that today's youth don't equate joking around with bullying. Even though they do it jokingly it can cut the receiver deeply. By definition a joke is something that is suppose to but here's the magic question "who's laughing?" Ask any teen who's been cyberbullied and they probably won't see the humor in the situation. Plus, when something is posted online, it can be humiliating. That old saying "www" means the "whole world's watching" holds true and cyberbullying victims know it.
Bottom line is cyberbullying hurts.
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Just Imagine...
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You get a text from a friend to check out someone's page, you go there and see degrading posts and a crude picture of you in a swimsuit that had been Photoshopped. Following the posts are a string of lewd comments. You start getting text after text from people, some you don't even know, saying mean things about the post. It feels like the world is laughing at you only you're not laughing. You dread going to school the next day because you have to face all of these people. Your stomach is churning and your head is pounding. You pray it will just go away, like it never happened. "MAKE IT STOP, Make It Stop, make it stop." screams through your mind. You have just entered into the world of a victim. What may have started as a mean joke crossed the line into something more severe, cyberbullying. Scenarios like this are just one example of how some teens are misusing technology.
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Young people can quickly spread a rumor through texting, taping an embarrassing incident and posting it on YouTube, or uploading pictures or unkind comments on social networking sites. There are many different avenues that can be used to cyberbully. The key to decreasing cyberbullying is educating today's youth to think before they click. One wrong click has the power to change someone's life forever.
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Teaching teens to protect themselves online is very important. I compare learning how to drive a car to teaching teens how to use technology. Here's my logic, odds are you wouldn't turn your teen loose with the keys to the car if they haven't been properly trained or educated to operate a vehicle Why? Because it's dangerous! He could kill himself or someone else. Well, we should realize that the wonderful cyber world also possesses dangers. The internet highway can be dangerous if teens post inappropriate material, bully, give out personal information to strangers, etc. So we really need to educate our teens about how to use technology appropriately. Just as you probably wouldn't toss the car keys at an inexperienced teen and tell him to go take a spin, you shouldn't place a Smartphone or any other electronic device with internet capability in his hands without making sure that he knows how to use it properly.
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Let's help our teens realize that feelings do exist in the cyber world, manners do matter, and most importantly, there's a real life person on the receiving end of the messages... A person who laughs, cries and hurts, just like we do. Please help teach our young people that what they do and say to one another off or online does make a difference.
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Teens can use these tips to protect themselves online.
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•Tell a trusted adult if you're being cyberbullied.
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•If you know someone who's being a cyberbully tell her/him to knock it off, if they don't report it.
•Contact host/site providers if inappropriate material is being posted on their site.
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•Save all evidence if you're being bullied online. Don't delete without keeping a copy for yourself.
•Don't respond to rude messages.
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•If someone angers you, wait, don't fire off a rude comeback. It'll only make things worse.
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•Don't share personal information online.
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•Protect your username and password. Don't share it with friends.
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•Don't open anything from someone you don't know.
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•Keep privacy settings on your computer. Secure your information.
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•Choose your friends wisely.
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•Only accept close friends on your social networking sites.
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•Don't post anything online that you wouldn't mind your parents seeing.
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•Most importantly, treat others as you want to be treated. Think before you click. Look at what your posting or uploading and ask "Would I want someone saying or putting that about me online?" If the answer is "No" then don't do it.
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While the internet can be fun and super cool it comes with responsibility. Have fun with technology just take heed and exercise caution when using it. A joke is meant to be funny but not at the expense of another person's feelings. Young people joking is one click away from cyberbullying.Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-23428481287830914492012-04-23T15:07:00.000-07:002012-04-23T15:07:44.662-07:00How one Independent Educational Consultant helped a few families; 4204 times..4204. <br />
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It sounds like a pretty benign number, but to me 4204 it was pretty amazing, you see 4204 was the number of texts I sent and received last month. Now certainly there were quite a few to and from friends and family; for example I remember a rather amusing exchange I had with my 16 year old daughter when we on a basketball trip together, but many of them were to and from therapists, parents, and clients; in short many of them were team texts.<br />
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What is a team text you ask? Well, that’s a legitimate question. To answer that you need to know that so much of what I aspire to do is to develop a team approach to working with my families. I incorporate therapists, teachers, coaches, and family friends; anyone who will help me paint a picture. Included in that team, of course, are the parents, and the kids (disclaimer, I refer to all of my clients as kids, I know it’s not right, and most likely not politically correct. Maybe for the over 18 year old kids I should use the phrases young adults, or persons of emerging maturity – yes I just made that up - but I don’t, sorry) So a team text is a correspondence between/amongst the team to help share information. It may be as simple as a change in time of a weekly call, or it may be as significant as updates from a transport agent or therapist. In any case, the immediacy of these team texts really helps in putting out a metaphorical fire or perhaps allows a Mom or Dad to sleep a bit better knowing their child is safe.<br />
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You see when we are retained by a family, I always tell them a variation of the phrase; contact me at any time, phone, fax, email, and yes, text. Many of my fellow IEC’s cringe at this, but I feel it’s important. If you have read my blog before you know that I use my role as an IEC as a modified case manager and it’s in that role that I often team text. I feel it’s imperative that the families know that they have me in their corner, and I have found that while they will never replace face to face or a phone call, these texts really help many families.<br />
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It’s a scary time for a lot of the families who hire us, and I like to think that doing some case management; spending lots of time on the phone listening to insights and offering advice and, yes, being available when they need me, makes this tumultuous time a little less scary for everyone.<br />
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Oh, gotta go…you guessed it, just got a text!Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-15071733708615873232012-03-05T09:35:00.000-08:002012-03-05T09:35:42.811-08:00Renew Magazine - How to protect your teenagers from substance abuse | Renew EverydayBy Dr. Karen Khaleghi<br />
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The death of Whitney Houston cast a brief light on the phenomenon of parents partying with their children. It certainly has not been the focus of the conversation, but it has provided a crucial “teachable moment” on an issue that needs to come out into the light.<br />
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In working with those suffering from addiction, being a parent and conducting parent education talks over the past 22-plus years, I would like to share my take on the motivations on why parents party with their kids.<br />
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“It’s like we’re more friends than parent and child.” <br />
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As kids grow up and become increasingly independent they establish their own life with friends. Some parents do not want to see their kid go off without them, so they seek instead to become part of the group. When the group parties, then the parent parties. This is based on the parents’ needs not the kids’.<br />
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“I can teach them how to hold their liquor.” <br />
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I regularly have had parents tell me they feel it is best to teach their children how to “hold their liquor,” and the only way to do that is to drink with their kids. This can also include smoking marijuana and, rarely, includes the use of other drugs.<br />
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“They’re going to drink anyway; it’s safer for them to drink at home.”<br />
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These parents don’t want to worry about their children drinking and driving or otherwise getting into trouble when they are out with their friends. Instead, they provide alcohol at home, believing it is better than having their kids trying to buy alcohol on their own.<br />
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“They’re just more fun to be around.”<br />
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These parents feel their kids are more enjoyable to have around at family get-togethers when the kid also has a buzz going. One mother told me that her teenage daughters were unpleasant to have at family dinners but became much more fun to have around when the kid also had a Margarita or shot.<br />
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“But it’s prescription …”<br />
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It is a fact that we live in a culture that likes its pills. Ads on TV and the financial profiles of drug companies substantiate this reality. Parents can serve to reinforce this mentality or teach another approach. For the most part, a parent with a medicine chest full of pills will have a child who develops pill use; and this use may start off as relatively harmless but lead to a pill addiction.<br />
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It is also essential to understand that addiction is frequently a generational problem, and for recovery to occur it is important to understand what has occurred to make it a recurring family dilemma.<br />
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Keep in mind that kids don’t need parents to be their best friends; they need parents to provide guidance and structure. With each parental dilemma, it is helpful to ask yourself if the action is in the service of the child or the parent. Understand that, through parenting, you are sending messages, and much of this is subtext. For example, if you drink with your underage children, you are letting them know that underage drinking is acceptable and that laws and social rules are acceptable to break.<br />
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Take the issue of drug and alcohol use from an objective perspective. It is very helpful to start with a look at all the issues surrounding alcohol and drug use and in that you are teaching you kid a decision tree approach to a complex issue. In doing this you start with the facts … just the facts, and work your way out. For example: the legal age for drinking is 21; what are the legal consequences for someone drinking before the legal age for both the kid and the parent? So, you are discussing consequences for their action and at the same time the parent is reminding themselves of the consequences for their decisions.<br />
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Approach the use alcohol and drugs from health and safety first perspective. If you believe that it is inevitable that you kid will drink or take drugs establish an agreement about how situations are handled. For example, you can state that you will be the bad guy and that if they are faced with a peer pressure situation you can take the fall: i.e., my parents will take away my car, ground me for life, etc. Further, you can tell your kids that while you do not condone them using, you want to be called if they get themselves into trouble and that whatever consequences they will receive will go better if they call home for help, for a ride, when things feel out of control, etc.<br />
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And understand that your kids watch every move that you make … even when you think that they are not listening or watching. Know that if every social event you have involves alcohol your child is learning that socializing involves alcohol. If you find yourself saying things like: “It’s been a rough week, I deserve a drink, “It’s been a great week, let’s go get drinks,” or “I am so stressed; I need a drink,” you are in fact teaching your kid to sooth, celebrate and relax by drinking. And similarly with pills — if you turn to pills to alleviate stress, or depression or sleep difficulties then you are by example setting up that pills are the answer.<br />
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Parenting is complex and can call on all the patience, wisdom and self sacrifice you can muster at the same time it is the most rewarding endeavor in life.<br />
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Dr. Karen Khaleghi is director of education and co-founder of Creative Care Malibu.Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-59530654030862039382012-02-06T16:59:00.000-08:002012-02-06T16:59:30.758-08:00"I'm sorry, Just What is an Independent Educational Consultant?"It is a scene which has played out countless times for me over the years. I have the opportunity to exchange business cards with someone; after chatting for a bit they look at my card, and I watch their brow furrow more and more quizically as they read over my information. Eventualy the inevitable question comes: ”Just what is an Educational Consultant?” <br />
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While some of my colleagues may get frustrated by this question, I feel that for those of us in a relatively young (and rapidly growing) profession, we need to accept it. A case in point; last week on a tour of some adult rehab facilities, I ended up spending time describing the job of an Independent Educational Consultant (IEC). <br />
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I started, as I always do with my professional membership in <a href="http://www.iecaonline.com">IECA</a>. I explained that being a member of <a href="http://www.iecaonline.com">IECA </a>meant I had the highest professional standards, the broadest network of professionals and the support of a national organization. I went on to say that <a href="http://www.iecaonline.com">IECA </a>is a large organization (900+ members) yet it is really organization about people and relationships. I also spoke of program visits, education centers, and advanced training. While they were appropriately impressed, I could tell that I was losing focus of what (in my opinion) an IEC really is. So I decided that I needed to tell them a story; a story I have told many times in the last 3 years, but it’s one which I feel epitomizes client/consultant teamwork. <br />
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Below is a letter written by one of my client’s parents, I wish I could tell you that I told their story this eloquently, but I can’t; what I <i>can </i>tell you that I don’t tout myself this much in my version of the story. Honestly, you can take my name out and insert any IEC...we all do the same thing...Also, while I’m in confession mode, I think I butchered the story a bit, but I think they got the drift…<br />
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So here is John’s* story, as told by Mom…<br />
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We knew in our hearts months before we came face to face with our 14-year-old son's activities, that we were entering into unchartered parental waters when it came to dealing with his unacceptable behavior. There was confusion and total terror not knowing what had happened to our wonderful, charming, smart, funny, pleasant son…and why.<br />
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Grounding him and serious monitoring of his every waking hour left us feeling exhausted from sleepless nights and emotionally sick from our never-ending suspicions. However, even these measures proved inadequate, because as although we were good, involved, and loving parents, we didn’t know what was happening. We were on a quest to find the right answer, but helpless and lost. Our dilemma was compounded by the fact that few of our social peers shared our zero tolerance toward drug and underage drinking policies. Close friends wanted to help, but didn't understand what it's like once your child begins to act out, and the "fear factor" of your child's survival enters your home. <br />
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At a critical moment, with police having just left our home, our son barricaded in his room, and our anniversary evening plans canceled, we received a life line from a friend of a friend. This man shared with absolute honesty his experience with his son and how an educational consultant, Bar Clarke, had helped him find his first glimmer of light in the tunnel of fear and darkness. He suggested we call Bar and went on to say that Bar saw his family through his son's therapeutic wilderness time and placement in a residential aftercare program. At the time of his call to us, his son was back at home attending college and was on a good life track. <br />
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This Good Samaritan was our introduction to educational consultants and we feel lucky that we did not have to interview ECs and flounder through this process. We had enough to worry about with our son, without the added stress of depending on an unknown EC.<br />
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Our son was on the young side and the thought of sending him away was heart wrenching and overwhelming. Bar was patient, informative, and never once pressured us to take action that we were not ready for. We were totally honest with Bar, our son's school administrators, and with ourselves. Our goal was to get help for our son, keep him safe, maintain our own sanity, and hopefully get him through 9th grade. Bar understood and supported our goal. He "hung in there with us" through many, many challenging moments and frantic phone calls. Six months after our first conversation with Bar, and a week after our son finished 9th grade, our son entered a wilderness program that Bar helped us find. Bar was an integral part of our family's very positive experience with our son's 11 week wilderness time. <br />
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Bar's familiarity with wilderness programs, working therapists, and therapeutic residential programs has been a tremendous component in our son's recovery and return to us from the dark side. <br />
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Working with Bar on an individually tailored process, we learned that your EC must tune in to you and your child, and interpret what each of you needs to be successful. The EC must understand the uniqueness of each child and family dynamics, and work within these parameters in an attempt to help the entire family. Not an easy task.<br />
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Bar's reputation with RTCs afforded our son the opportunity to attend a unique high school program that might not have otherwise accepted him. It was the right school for our son, and we never would have found it without Bar’s expertise. <br />
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Our son is our miracle child - he's flourishing, and his wonderful sense of self, humor, and desire to succeed is back. I am not sure we would be where we are today without Bar’s role in this process.Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-29881427765538608062011-11-08T17:58:00.000-08:002011-11-08T17:59:58.548-08:00Dr. Leonard Sax Presenting on Gender Issues at Dallas IECA ConferenceFor the last few months, I have been obsessed with reading two of Dr. Sax's books, "Boys Adrift" and "Girls on the Edge". I have found myself preaching the sermon according to Sax to anyone who will listen, and have had a wonderful time exchanging snippets of his books with friends and colleagues on Facebook and Twitter; and, oh yes, and in person as well! <br />
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In "Boys Adrift" Dr. Sax describes the five factors driving the decline of boys as:<br />
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Video Games. Studies suggest that some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits.<br />
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Teaching Methods. Profound changes in the way children are educated have had the unintended consequence of turning many boys off school. <br />
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Prescription Drugs. Overuse of medication for ADHD may be causing irreversible damage to the motivational centers in boys’ brains. <br />
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Endocrine Disruptors. Environmental estrogens from plastic bottles and food sources may be lowering boys’ testosterone levels, making their bones more brittle and throwing their endocrine systems out of whack. <br />
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Devaluation of Masculinity. Shifts in popular culture have transformed the role models of manhood. Forty years ago we had Father Knows Best; today we have The Simpsons.<br />
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In "Girls on the Edge" he looks at:<br />
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Sexual identity. Why bisexual girls may be more numerous and/or more evident today, particularly with regard to the sexualization of girlhood.<br />
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The cyberbubble. The typical teenage girl in the USA now sends 80 text messages per day, compared with 30 text messages per day sent by the typical teenage boy. <br />
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Obsessions. How common is cutting? Is cutting more common among girls than among boys? Even ten years ago, it was unusual to find girls cutting themselves. Today it's common. <br />
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Chapter 4: Endocrine disruptors. The risks of PET (polyethylene terephathalate) <br />
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These are fascinating reads, and ones which make you really think about children, and our role in helping them help themselves. I am eagerly anticipating attending Dr Sax's sessions at the <a href="http://www.iecaonline.com">IECA </a>conference later this week in Dallas, and am looking forward to reporting back here with new insights gained...Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-31243634346117041762011-10-11T08:27:00.000-07:002011-10-11T08:27:29.183-07:00Travel and the Independent Educational Consultant“No sweetie, really, it’s actually colder here!”<br />
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That was part of the phone call I had with my 12 year old daughter, when I called her from Newport Beach, CA last week. I had to laugh about it; I had left ME, where one expects it to be cold in the fall, and landed in a cold, wet, and I dare say dreary, southern CA. I know I shouldn’t complain, as IEC’s we do travel to some pretty remarkable places, and yes there are certain perks to the number of miles we fly (no checked bag fee, yeah!) But still… Rain? In Southern CA? Really?<br />
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Because of the amount of time we as Independent Educational Consultants spend on the road visiting schools, programs and clients; sometimes I think we get a bit jaded, overwhelmed, and well just plain old tired. After all, to maintain our membership in good standing with <a href="http://www.iecaonline.com">IECA</a>, we have to visit programs and schools constantly, and in a busy year we can - when you figure that for those of us in the therapeutic world many of the programs are quite remote - sometimes be out of the office for a week and only have the chance to visit a few programs.<br />
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With that knowledge, when I kept hearing about <a href="http://www.schoolconnections.org">School Connections </a>and the opportunity it presented of meeting one on one with up to 30 school representatives, coupled with the fact that I had only heard great things about it, and the fact that this fall’s offering was in an area near a few programs I wanted to visit, it didn’t take a lot of convincing to get me to go.<br />
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After a day and a half of 20+ 25 minute meetings with program representatives, I can honestly say SC is a wonderful opportunity for seasoned IEC’s to complement the visits they do as members of IECA. I found the time flew by, and after every meeting I came away with a new idea/fact/nugget about each program. Many of the programs I had visited, and this time together gave us uninterrupted time to get caught up on new initiatives etc. As for the programs I hadn’t visited, or didn’t know, they were able to give me enough information to entice me to visit so I could make a true assessment after a site visit. O.K. I’ll admit it; it didn’t take a lot of convincing to get me to say I’ll visit the Hawaii programs!<br />
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As usual during my travels, I had a brutal schedule filled with meetings, clients, phone calls, etc from breakfast through dinner, and as usual I ended the trip with that odd mixture IEC’s often have of feeling simultaneously utterly exhausted and energized. I’ve only been back for 3 days, and I am already looking forward to meeting up with some new found friends at the IECA Conference in Dallas next month, and, oh, maybe I need to book that trip to Hawaii, I hear the rainy season is almost over!Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-22302514938734855492011-07-29T06:12:00.000-07:002011-07-29T06:12:53.674-07:00Teamwork and the Independent Educational Consultant“Don’t worry Bar, most of them are <i>small </i>rapids. “<br />
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Small rapids…to me the expression small rapids is akin to jumbo shrimp; an oxymoron plain and simple.<br />
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So as I braced myself and plunged down river through the seemingly 12 foot walls of water, and 20 foot waterfalls (ok; an exaggeration I’ll admit, but still it was scary!) I realized, all too quickly, that my life, or at the very least my ability to walk without a significant limp, was in serious jeopardy. <br />
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I knew that this trip was a leap of faith; after all, I was putting my life in the hands of not only a guide who seemed to be younger than some of the t shirts I own but also a group of friends, some of whom I had known a grand total of 2 days, and others who had literally never whitewater rafted…yes, nervous is a good word to use…<br />
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As I did that day on the river, our families take a leap of faith when they retain us as <a href="http://iecaonline.com">IEC’s</a>. Just as I wasn’t initially aware of my guide’s training, often times, through no fault of their own, our clients aren’t aware of the training and hard work that goes into a placement. Also, as I drifted down the river, I wasn’t aware that the rest of my team was going to be there for me at every turn, and we were going to work together to steer our way out of danger. Similarly, my families aren’t often aware of the team approach we use to help them through the difficult times, usually by the time families contact us at Loeta they are in dire straits, are seeking out answers, and are ready to work as a team; they just don’t know it… <br />
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So I learned a lot that day on the river; I gained a further appreciation for my clients and where they are coming from on an emotional level, I learned that teamwork isn’t just a phrase, but is a very important and real concept, and, pehaps most importantly, I learned that when a guide yells paddle right hard; she means it, lest you get very wet!Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-5692174866123618392011-05-19T20:58:00.000-07:002011-05-19T21:08:44.862-07:00Advice for Parents of At-Risk Teens or Know What You Know...A while ago my check engine light came on.<br /><br />“Uh, oh.” I thought. <br /><br />You see, my trusty old Subaru, like its owner, isn’t the spring chicken it once was and is starting to show its age. Despite that, and the fact that to me the internal combustion engine is akin to magic, I decided I needed to open the hood and take a look. After a quick survey, I came to a realization; I had no idea what I was looking for.<br /><br />I actually started to laugh at myself as I realized that me simply staring at the engine isn’t going to somehow magically fix it. Alas, I realized, time to accept what I don’t know and take the car to a mechanic. <br /><br />Once I got home and thought about the events of the day, it got me thinking about a session I did at the last <a href="http://www.iecaonline.com">IECA </a>meeting entitled “Know What You Know, Know What You Don’t Know”. With three IEC’s leading the discussion, it was a great session exploring an issue we as IEC’s often grapple with; that of wanting to serve as many families as we can countered with how we must remain true to our acquired specialty. There was some wonderful and lively debate, but all of us came to the same conclusion that we all need to, as the session title said, know what we know and know what we don’t. <br /><br />The advice we were giving ourselves in that session is the same advice I often give my families. I feel that they, as parents, have a unique and important perspective and that information they have is crucial to me offering well-informed and pro-active choices for them to consider. Too often families come to me defeated, thinking that somehow that because they have a child with behavioral issues then they are a failure as a parent and that they should just give up. They have been beaten up so much, that they sometimes forget how much they know, and therefore how important they are. I always advise my families to share everything, and to take solace in knowing that if I can’t help them, I’ll make sure we get the experts who can.<br /><br />I think a lot of my parents find it a relief that I don’t expect them to know everything; just to know what they know…<br /><br />So my car… <br /><br />Turns out it was the catalytic converter; but because I brought it to the right mechanic, he was able to get the repair covered under warranty, so not only did it pay off to go an expert, but to the <em>right </em>expert; but that’s a blog for another day…Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-50913044698247423722011-03-28T14:21:00.000-07:002011-03-28T15:42:15.825-07:00You Are What You WUPHF; Or The Changing Face of Independent Educational ConsultingRecently I was catching up on some shows I had recorded on my DVR, and I found myself involved in a 3 hour marathon of “The Office”. One episode which really stood out was last year’s season finale where Ryan developed a new social media mega-site called <a href="http://x.co/UDYy">WUPHF</a>. On WUPHF (pronounced Woof) you could link all of your contact information into one account so when you received one thing, say a fax, it would come through on all of your accounts. There is one great scene where Ryan is in his closet/office and everything starts ringing/buzzing and chirping at him at the same time… Of course typical of the show, they beat the joke into the ground (anyone who knows my family, knows why I love this humor so much) and by the end the WUPHF sounds completely ridiculous.<br /><br />But is it?<br /><br />Sure we don’t WUPHF, but if 15 years ago I had uttered this sentence; “Hey, got your RSS Feed, and I’m going to link it through to my <a href="http://www.facebook.com/Loetaeducation">Facebook </a>and <a href="http://www.twitter.com/barclarke">Twitter </a>in a few; you mind if I blog about it too?” You most likely would have looked at me as quizzically as you would if I told you you’d be struggling with the decision of whether to get the iPad2 with or without the 3G capabilities. It’s true, what once seemed crazy is now normal.<br /><br />In a similar vein, the field of Educational Consulting has grown in ways no-one could have imagined. While 15 years ago there were some incredible people doing amazing work, it was in many ways, a cottage industry. One was able, through hard work and word of mouth, to build and maintain a strong, profitable business. For good or bad, that is no more. The new normal is that there are now over 800 members of <a href="http://www.iecaonline.com">IECA </a>, the majority of these new members go through a 5 day rigorous training session, the IECA Conferences now draw over 1,000 participants per conference on average and IEC’s, in general, are more trained and specialized than ever before. In addition, most IEC’s have websites, Twitter accounts, Facebook accounts and many Blog (which is an awesome verb by the way). And, most importantly for those of us who are IEC’s, more and more families are utilizing our services. Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all of this change is for the better; I feel that many of our more seasoned consultants can teach us all a thing or two about more traditional office practices, like phone calls, face to face time and word of mouth advertising, but this change is, for better or worse, normal.<br /><br />At Loeta we look to these new ideas as opportunities, not only opportunities to present and promote <a href="http://www.loetaeducation.com">Loeta Educational Consultants</a>, but, more importantly, to promote the field of Educational Consulting. As members of today’s IECA, we are able to combine these new technologies, both within IECA and the schools themselves, with the more traditional aspects of school or program evaluation to assist us in developing not only a strong rapport with the schools, but also a stellar reputation as independent voices for our clients. There isn’t another profession which can lay claim to that fact. <br /><br />Now we don’t have the hubris to think we know where all of this electronic media is going, but we do like the fact that IEC’s, partnering with IECA, are able to use these various social media tools, known and future, to spread the word of Educational Consulting as a profession. We look forward to that day when the first thing a family thinks of when they have a educational decision - whether it be for college, boarding school or wilderness therapy - will be to reach out to their neighborhood Independent Educational Consultant… <br /><br />And who knows, maybe they’ll WUPHF us…<br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0MkrGmHHUjgDHtdpLgS_Y5E5BS1dyEzHXHWynhGZy44f06tReYqudmx0-y1_sdvHq8VwqSVnHaRxouYleRIg_hSYLyPcEK_WcXhlfEnOzfuw7YlcfQEMMsSlZWJMEe_8dtmwKBAEnBkPU/s1600/QR_Droid_75573.png"><img style="cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 200px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj0MkrGmHHUjgDHtdpLgS_Y5E5BS1dyEzHXHWynhGZy44f06tReYqudmx0-y1_sdvHq8VwqSVnHaRxouYleRIg_hSYLyPcEK_WcXhlfEnOzfuw7YlcfQEMMsSlZWJMEe_8dtmwKBAEnBkPU/s200/QR_Droid_75573.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5589262636715879586" /></a><br /><strong><em>Learn about WUPHF here…</em></strong>Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-11524342452848678612011-01-31T09:51:00.000-08:002011-01-31T10:13:01.227-08:00"Parenting Teens in the Age of Facebook" or "You Did WHAT Last Night?"This morning I was scrolling through my Facebook page and came across a poll which my daughter had filled out. It was pretty benign stuff really; whom she had texted last, who was her last “crush” etc. Actually many of her answers amused me, but reading it made me think about two things; how much I know about my 15 year old and how little my parents really knew about me as a 15 year old…<br /><br />I KNOW I don’t know everything about my child; as a matter of fact I can honestly say I don’t want to know everything my daughter does, there are certain things a Dad just doesn’t need to know. But it did get me thinking about the amount of information we as parents and adolescents have today about each other as opposed to only one generation ago and how that has changed how parents and children look at each other. <br /><br />With the exploding popularity of electronic connection and social media, it is even harder for parents to hold the line. We all know that many teens are connected seemingly 24/7, but what is really blurring the line is parental use of these same social outlets. Parents have their own Facebook pages, they text, they tweet, they post videos to YouTube. And, like kids, they often post things on the internet which they later regret. Parents are, for lack of a better word, more humanized than parents of previous generations. I didn’t know what my Dad did at his 25th high school reunion, but a quick glance of Facebook will tell you what countless 40 somethings were up to at theirs. <br /><br />One thing that comes along with this more open virtual dialogue between adults and teens (because let’s face it, because of our voyeuristic tendencies many of us find ourselves reading these on line polls and questionnaires) is that we feel we as parents know what our kids are up to and they’ll tell us everything because we’re their friends. <br /><br />We don’t and they won’t.<br /><br />In my work as an Independent Educational Consultant, there are two rules I tell my families about, the first is the 80/20 rule. The 80/20 rule is pretty simple; parents think they know about 80% of what their children do, and they really know about 20%. Think about it for a minute, how much did your parents know? I know what you’re thinking; “But I’m his friend on Facebook.” or “She always texts me when she’s someplace safe.” The reality is that it is normal for teens to rebel; it’s a part of growing up and we are fooling ourselves if we feel <em>our </em>kids are any different. <br /><br />The second rule is pretty simple also; we are parents first. Our kids have enough friends, they only have 2 parents. We must remember that our number one job is to be the parent, and that our decisions must be made <em>as parents</em>. We have to accept that we will sometimes be unpopular and that’s ok because it’s our job.<br /><br />It’s not all doom and gloom, there is a lot of good that comes from this new openness between parents and children. I think that there is a strong upside to having parents more humanized; it shows that we too have our own struggles, conflicts and issues, and I feel quite strongly that the more children and parents openly dialogue the more we can have our children feel confident that they can come to us with issues and concerns. <br /><br />But, as the old adage goes, take it all with a grain of salt.<br /><br />By the way, in an earlier Facebook question my daughter talked about me being the “coolest Daddio in the whole world” <br /><br />I bought it.<br /><br />So yes; I am wrapped around her little finger, but i know it, so that makes it ok. Right?Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-7679116280092494362010-12-29T07:20:00.000-08:002010-12-29T07:31:46.581-08:00Navigating blizzards with the aid of an Independent Educational ConsultantFor those of you who don’t follow CNN 24/7, or if you happen to live in a cave, you may not know that those of us in the Northeast got slammed with a pretty significant snowstorm last week. I know I heard reports of 30 inches way south (you know, like New Jersey) but up here in Maine we had a rather pedestrian 12 inches.<br /><br />For about 24 hours during the height of the storm, I spent a lot of time getting updates from weather.com and CNN on both my computer and television, I kept reading and watching stories filled with doom and gloom; airports being shut down, people being stuck in their cars on the highways etc. In my fervor of following the storm that day, I switched from CNN to my local NBC affiliate. Honestly I had grown weary of the national news and wanted to see how the storm how the storm was going to affect us here in Mid-Coast Maine. <br /><br />I have to admit, it had been a long time since I had watched the local news. I found it refreshing to watch a station which took the time to tell me not only what is going on in the country, but also in my town. The most heartening stories I watched that night were the ones which looked at the good side of the storm, they did a segment on the kids sledding, and a wonderful piece on a young man who chose to take the afternoon to help elderly neighbors get their walkways and driveway cleared of snow. Yes, they did the obligatory pieces on the serious aspects of the storm, but I was glad to see that they also made sure they did the more personal stories as well. <br /><br /><br />I like to think that at Loeta we deliver our services like the local news. We pride ourselves on our personal touch, and we make sure that every family we work with feels that they are important to us. We make sure that we are available to them at every point of the process, and we understand that they know we are there for them throughout. Like the local news we make sure the important pieces and logistics are taken care of, but we pride ourselves on our personal touch and our local flavor.<br /><br />Just as we like to think of ourselves as the local news, many of our families feel that of their situations are analogous to a blizzard. They feel blinded by their teen’s decisions, that they as parents may lose power, that no matter how much they prepare something will go wrong and that the “snow” piles up pretty fast and deep. Often times the storm just keeps coming and coming and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight. <br /><br />But, as we know, blizzards always end. There is always that bright, sunny day afterwards when, if we prepared well, we can make it through the blizzard unscathed. We go sledding, we ski, we go for a brisk walk we learn to accept the snow, and make the best of it, and, despite our grumbling about the cold, we actually learn to enjoy it. So if our child is a blizzard, we need to prepare and get supplies. We also need to hold out, knowing that there will be that sunny day soon. And, well, we need to watch our local news!Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-72763091469347349042010-11-16T08:26:00.000-08:002010-11-16T08:29:23.269-08:00Definition of an Independent Educational Consultant; according to a second grader…For those of you who are regular readers of this blog, you know that my daughters are often the central focus of my writings, and this month is no exception. A few years ago, during a second grade presentation on her parents, my younger daughter was asked what I did for a living; while I wasn’t there to hear, she reported back to me the next day.<br /> <br />“Well what did you say sweetie?” In my naiveté, I was ready for her to spout the intricacies and subtleties of life as an IEC (independent educational consultant)<br /> <br />“I told them you’re a consultant, an educational consultant.”<br /><br />“That’s right, did you say anything else?” I eagerly responded.<br /> “Um…well…” she stammered, trying to find the right words.<br /><br />And then as if the light went off she recited, “I told them you tell parents where their kids should go camping to some field somewhere, oh and you talk to them on the phone a lot…” <br /><br />My head dropped.<br /><br />My daughter isn’t the only one who struggles understanding just what exactly it is that we do, whenever I travel outside the bubble of our conferences and the schools and programs we work with, I find myself having to explain the role of an IEC. At first, I confess, I would explain it almost apologetically. I, like many new consultants, didn’t have the confidence to understand that we are not only a very important cog in the machine but, in many cases, the most important one. We are the only ones out there meeting the programs on their own turf, getting to know the admissions directors, seeing the kids on campuses and really getting a pulse of what’s going on. It is our job to look beyond the shiny brochures and to find those diamonds in the rough. At Loeta we tout that we are a team, not only within the firm, but also with our families, the professionals involved with our clients, and, most importantly, the students we serve themselves. Everyone brings their expertise to the table, and we work it out together.<br /><br />A larger, but equally important team I’m a member of is the <a href="http://www.iecaonline.com">Independent Educational Consultant Association</a> (IECA). Being a member of IECA is one of the proudest accomplishments of my professional career. As a recently elected board member I have had the pleasure to participate more fully in the running of this organization, and have been exposed to a group of colleagues whom I really would never have any crossover with if I hadn’t joined the board. I am always amazed at not only the depth but also breadth of expertise and knowledge within this group. Certainly when you get a group of 850 Independent business owners together, not all will agree on every issue, but what is so wonderful about my colleagues at IECA is the fact that beneath it all we all have the same drive; to help families realize that there are choices out there, and we’re going give them unbiased advice and recommendations based on our professional judgment of the student’s needs and abilities. <br /><br />My daughter is now in 6th grade, and while she can recite the states and their capitals, do mathematics which dumfound me and name the starting lineup of the Celtics; I’m still not sure she can really explain what I do…<br /><br />And miles to go before I sleep…..Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-49255262440207780242010-10-20T19:18:00.000-07:002010-10-20T19:19:53.944-07:00Remember the good old days back in 2010…Recently I got sucked into one of those TV infomercials trying to sell music from the 50’s. I was amused as the overly botoxed hosts told me that this music defined a generation. Come on, defined a generation? This is the stuff my parents listened to; therefore it can’t be that good. Smug I agree, but that’s what was going through my mind. I mean really, how could Pat Boone and The Everly Brothers define a generation? <br /><br />After skimming through the channels some more, and almost buying a Mr. T Flavor Wave Oven (that’s a story for another day) I got to thinking; it’s hard for someone of my generation to believe, but yes, at one point Elvis was banned from television (well at least from the waist down) because of his pelvic gyrations and that there were many people who found him, Rock and Roll (when was Roll dropped anyway?) and this new concept of teenagers to be very scary stuff. Many adults of that time felt that this was going to be the downfall of America as they knew it, and that we as a society were doomed. Of course we all know we did make it through that time, and now we all look back at those concerns as, well, quaint really. <br /><br />When I hear adults these days talk about all teens today are disrespectful, or their music has no soul, or things were different when they were kids, I have a hard time. Today most teens in America are exhibiting their natural rebellion; just as their parents and generations before them did against their parents, and, just like our parents didn’t get us, we don’t get them. Rebellion is a normal, and I would argue necessary, aspect of growing up. Where I feel parents get into trouble is when they don’t counter this rebellion with natural consequences, and as a result I feel many parents find themselves in a position where they can’t differentiate between normal behavior and accepted behavior.<br /><br />At Loeta we preach that just because a behavior is accepted does not make it normal. It’s normal for a kid to experiment with alcohol and pot; it’s not normal for them to steal from their parents to pay for the habit. It’s normal for a teenage girl to roll her eyes at her father when he just doesn’t get her, it’s not normal for a child to let loose with a string of curses which would make a sailor blush when asked to take out the garbage. <br /><br />Part of our role as Independent Educational Consultants is to work with families to try to differentiate between these normal and accepted behaviors. Most of the time by the time a family calls us they feel they are at their wit’s end. Honestly in our first interaction with families we end up doing a lot of listening, trying to determine where the family is emotionally and and we make sure that any decisions being made are proactive as opposed to reactive. In short we want to make sure that whatever recommendation we make is appropriate to the situation. In some cases we end up steering families back to their home therapists or school counselors because, quite honestly, things really aren’t that bad; their children are simply feeling their way through adolescence. When we do end up assisting them in finding appropriate residential settings, whether that mean a wilderness program, a residential treatment center or a boarding school, it is always done with care, and the best interest of the child in mind. <br /><br />The issues facing families today are different than generations before, yes. But I’d argue that is true of every generation, and we’re doing our teens today a disservice if we either underplay or overplay these events or factors and don’t do our job as parents, stewards and guardians of the next generation of adults. Just remember these famous words said recently, <br /><br /> “The children now love luxury; they have bad manners, contempt for<br /> authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place<br /> of exercise Children are now tyrants, not the servants of their<br /> households. They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They<br /> contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties<br /> at the table, cross their legs, and tyrannize their teachers.<br /><br />Ok, not that recently, those words are attributed to the Greek philosopher Socrates, but you get the idea. This issue of how to handle or deal with adolescents has perplexed adults for literally thousands of years, and will continue for thousands more. Someday our children will look back on the good old days of the 10’s as fondly as other generations look back on the 50’s 70 or the 80’s and wonder what’s wrong with their children. Until then, however, it is our job to guide them, educate them, discipline them and love them until their old enough to actually have that epiphany. <br /><br />Wait, the 80’s, the era of E.T., Rubix cubes and Mr. T. That reminds me, time to go check my Flavor Wave, tonight I made a cheesecake!Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-2198663571305263852010-09-18T08:50:00.000-07:002010-09-18T09:00:24.838-07:00Pick-up Trucks and iPodsA few years ago I was out looking to buy a used truck, I thought it’d be good for towing my boat and for occasional trips to Home Depot or, more likely, the dump. My then 7 year old daughter loved riding in the trucks, so I used to take her with me to go for test drives. When we stepped into one particularly handsome Ford, I asked her to roll down the window; she looked quizzically at the hand crank attached to the door, back to me, and then proceeded to press the middle of the crank thinking it would magically open the window. After a few more attempts, she turned to me to announce the window was broken…<br /><br />I was taken aback, but after a while I realized that she wasn’t being spoiled, rather it was simply the fact that she had never actually seen a hand crank window. Once I explained it to her, she actually thought it was fun to crank the window up and down, and soon thereafter I witnessed the odd juxtaposition of looking over at her cranking the window up and down, all the while listening to her iPod.<br /><br />I shook my head…<br /><br />At the most recent IECA (www.iecaonline.org) conference Executive Director Mark Sklarow presented a session on social media, and how it’s presently impacting, and will continue to impact, our profession. While I fully expected to see many of the newer consultants in the room, what was heartening to me was to see many of the more seasoned members of our profession join in. These more seasoned consultants obviously understood that while they have the traditional way of working with, and reaching out to, families down, they knew that times were changing. As I watched more and more seasoned professionals delve into the new social media in the weeks following the conference, I knew that the session was effective in its message. To me, however, what’s even more important than that is making sure that the newer consultants know that it’s a two way street. That we have a lot to learn from the more seasoned consultants about personal connection with their clients and that nothing can replace the human aspect of our profession.<br /><br />At Loeta we certainly have embraced the internet and the new social media and have incorporated all of it heavily into our practice. We produce an e-newsletter, we are constantly expanding our presence on the internet through Facebook, this blog, Linkedin and our website, and, yes, we Tweet. Obviously we love the fact that we can keep people abreast of what’s going on through these various mediums but to us it’s important to make sure that this is balanced with the phone call to (or visit with) parents who are distraught about their teen’s choices or by spending some one on one time with a teen struggling with school or friends. We understand that we can reach thousands of people through the new social media, but if we don’t treat them with respect and dignity and can’t connect with then, it’s all for naught.<br /><br />It’s all about balance; kind of like a hand crank window and an iPod.Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-20794237039791444342010-08-24T15:03:00.000-07:002010-08-24T15:05:48.931-07:00New Perspectives….I spend a lot of time reading, and honestly I really love it. However I have a confession; up until last Sunday, I had never purchased – therefore never read- the New York Times Sunday paper. But after about the 50th person referenced an article with the phrase, “Did you see the Times this week?” I decided I needed to. You see, being a good Boston boy I, of course, have always been partial to the hometown Globe, and had the impression that the Times was really simply New York’s version of our local paper. I mean, did I really want to read about the goings on in Queens, or an opening of an art exhibit in Manhattan? Or even worse be forced to read a complimentary article about the dreaded Yankees; which to me is a fate worse than death…<br /><br />I’ll admit it, right here, right now; I was wrong. The New York Times Sunday Edition is really (despite what USA Today would say) the nation’s newspaper. Of course there is a New York slant, but I found myself reading article after article which had a global or national angle, and was amazed at both the depth and breadth of the paper. <br /><br />Now this blog isn’t about you reading the Times (although I think you should buy it at least once) it’s about gaining a new perspective. <br /><br />As an Educational Consultants I need to make sure that I am as up to date on the inner workings of residential programs as I can be, and I can’t rely on hearsay, conjecture and my own, sometimes dated, information. I need to make sure that I have the most accurate and up to date information available so that when I make a recommendation to a family, I feel confident that I’ve done all I can to present an accurate picture of what the program is and isn’t. I can get that information from a variety of sources; colleagues, clients, websites, staff, really anyone who has a connection. I read pro school sites, and the sites which want to shut down many of the schools I refer to, I read blogs and newsletters. Sometimes I read professional journals and realize that there are many people out there who are much smarter than me. Sure a lot of what I get will be biased (like some of the articles in the Times) but if I spread my sources out I will get an impartial and fair assessment of the programs I refer to. I don’t always agree with what I read, but I am always opening myself up to new ideas and perspectives, and I feel that is crucial to being effective at what I do. <br /><br />So go ahead, read the Times; just stay away from the sports section if you’re a Boston fan….Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-72123139278517495092010-07-29T11:36:00.000-07:002010-07-29T11:49:26.943-07:00I was looking through some articles to gain inspiration for my blog this month, and after reading this article, I was truly intrigued by the angle the author took. <br />So many times when working with families, I come across parents who feel that somehow they have failed as parents if we need to look into residential care for their children. I like this article because it asks the difficult and often unasked questions, and that it doesn’t immediately assess blame for a toxic situation upon either the parent or the child. As I often tell families, this is a family issue, and everyone must do the work…<br /><br /><br />Accepting That Good Parents May Plant Bad Seeds<br />By RICHARD A. FRIEDMAN, M.D.<br />Published: July 12, 2010<br /><br /> <br /><br /><br />“I don’t know what I’ve done wrong,” the patient told me. <br />She was an intelligent and articulate woman in her early 40s who came to see me for depression and anxiety. In discussing the stresses she faced, it was clear that her teenage son had been front and center for many years. <br />When he was growing up, she explained, he fought frequently with other children, had few close friends, and had a reputation for being mean. She always hoped he would change, but now that he was almost 17, she had a sinking feeling. <br />I asked her what she meant by mean. “I hate to admit it, but he is unkind and unsympathetic to people,” she said, as I recall. He was rude and defiant at home, and often verbally abusive to family members. <br />Along the way, she had him evaluated by many child psychiatrists, with several extensive neuropsychological tests. The results were always the same: he tested in the intellectually superior range, with no evidence of any learning disability or mental illness. Naturally, she wondered if she and her husband were somehow remiss as parents. <br />Here, it seems, they did not fare as well as their son under psychiatric scrutiny. One therapist noted that they were not entirely consistent around their son, especially when it came to discipline; she was generally more permissive than her husband. Another therapist suggested that the father was not around enough and hinted that he was not a strong role model for his son. <br />But there was one small problem with these explanations: this supposedly suboptimal couple had managed to raise two other well-adjusted and perfectly nice boys. How could they have pulled that off if they were such bad parents? <br />To be sure, they had a fundamentally different relationship with their difficult child. My patient would be the first to admit that she was often angry with him, something she rarely experienced with his brothers. <br />But that left open a fundamental question: If the young man did not suffer from any demonstrable psychiatric disorder, just what was his problem? <br />My answer may sound heretical, coming from a psychiatrist. After all, our bent is to see misbehavior as psychopathology that needs treatment; there is no such thing as a bad person, just a sick one. <br />But maybe this young man was just not a nice person. <br />For years, mental health professionals were trained to see children as mere products of their environment who were intrinsically good until influenced otherwise; where there is chronic bad behavior, there must be a bad parent behind it. <br />But while I do not mean to let bad parents off the hook — sadly, there are all too many of them, from malignant to merely apathetic — the fact remains that perfectly decent parents can produce toxic children. <br />When I say “toxic,” I don’t mean psychopathic — those children who blossom into petty criminals, killers and everything in between. Much has been written about psychopaths in the scientific literature, including their frequent histories of childhood abuse, their early penchant for violating rules and their cruelty toward peers and animals. There are even some interesting stories suggesting that such antisocial behavior can be modified with parental coaching. <br />But there is little, if anything, in peer-reviewed journals about the paradox of good parents with toxic children. <br />Another patient told me about his son, now 35, who despite his many advantages was short-tempered and rude to his parents — refusing to return their phone calls and e-mail, even when his mother was gravely ill. <br />“We have racked our brains trying to figure why our son treats us this way,” he told me. “We don’t know what we did to deserve this.” <br />Apparently very little, as far as I could tell. <br />We marvel at the resilient child who survives the most toxic parents and home environment and goes on to a life of success. Yet the converse — the notion that some children might be the bad seeds of more or less decent parents — is hard to take. <br />It goes against the grain not just because it seems like such a grim and pessimistic judgment, but because it violates a prevailing social belief that people have a nearly limitless potential for change and self-improvement. After all, we are the culture of Baby Einstein, the video product that promised — and spectacularly failed — to make geniuses of all our infants. <br />Not everyone is going to turn out to be brilliant — any more than everyone will turn out nice and loving. And that is not necessarily because of parental failure or an impoverished environment. It is because everyday character traits, like all human behavior, have hard-wired and genetic components that cannot be molded entirely by the best environment, let alone the best psychotherapists. <br />“The central pitch of any child psychiatrist now is that the illness is often in the child and that the family responses may aggravate the scene but not wholly create it,” said my colleague Dr. Theodore Shapiro, a child psychiatrist at Weill Cornell Medical College. “The era of ‘there are no bad children, only bad parents’ is gone.” <br />I recall one patient who told me that she had given up trying to have a relationship with her 24-year-old daughter, whose relentless criticism she could no longer bear. “I still love and miss her,” she said sadly. “But I really don’t like her.” <br />For better or worse, parents have limited power to influence their children. That is why they should not be so fast to take all the blame — or credit — for everything that their children become. <br />Dr. Richard A. Friedman is a professor of psychiatry at Weill Cornell Medical College in Manhattan.<br /><br />.Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-46165302620718420922010-02-26T15:16:00.000-08:002010-02-26T15:17:35.983-08:00On The Road...Sometimes the life of an educational consultant is like the Willie Nelson classic, “On the Road Again” When one figures I’ve been to 200 schools and programs over the last 5 years (a good number of the twice, or even three times), 25 IECA and 10 NATSAP National conferences, countless lunches, one day meetings or outings with colleagues and who knows how many trips to see clients at programs or schools, I am shocked that they don’t simply roll out the red carpet for me at the airport, or at the very least always reserve an exit row seat for me! Granted many of the travels I go on are to wonderful and beautiful places; I rarely complain when my travels bring me to the Wasatch mountains of Utah in winter (funny how I always time it that way) or to the beautiful Arizona desert in March, and I’ll confess I’m often looking for an excuse to travel to the southeast in late fall. <br /><br />Visiting programs is a crucial part of what we do as consultants. Not only do we need to do program visits to keep up our membership in IECA, but we also tour for professional development reasons. So yes, we have to tour, but for many of us touring is an exciting and fulfilling part of our job. Most of us work in small offices, or alone, so visiting programs allows us to get out and see what exciting things our colleagues are doing at their programs. It is important for us to get our hands dirty as it were, so yes, we ride the horses, bust the fire, and even, occasionally, muck the stalls. It is imperative that we roll up our sleeves and get to know not only the staff but also the students at these programs; because when we refer our clients to them, many times it’s because we know the people and we can, for lack of a better word, see our kid at the school. Of course we need to do our due diligence when it comes to reviewing testing, speaking to therapists, parents and other professionals, etc. but we cannot lose sight that many times our gut tells us if a place is a good match or not, and, well, you can’t rely on your gut if you’ve never been there!<br /><br />So for us, often times it is indeed life on the road, and for many of us, we wouldn’t have it any other way.Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-83928267666371331872009-10-20T15:28:00.000-07:002009-10-20T15:31:42.268-07:00Do you know the signs?If your son’s friend comes to your door wearing a hat with FML emblazoned on it, do you know what that means? Are you aware of what your teenage daughter is saying to the world when she goes out in a t-shirt which has the numbers 187 on it? What if your son comes home talking about his friend, the Emo? Does this mean anything to you? When you overhear your teenager talking about a pharm party or special K, do you think they are talking about the petting zoo and breakfast cereal? <br /><br />All of these phrases, logos and expressions have very specific meanings to our teens, and while they may sound foreign and even a little silly to us; to our adolescents they are real, and can be very scary. <br /><br />I don’t want you to think that if you hear of one these expressions or see one these logos your child is running in a gang, or is on drugs. But I do want you to look at them for what they are; clues, or signs as it were, that we should pay extra attention. We as adults must be informed as to what’s on the street, what the drugs are, what the lingo is so that we can have a fighting chance. <br /><br />It’s scary not knowing what is going on; we feel powerless as adults. We want to feel that our children can talk to us about anything, but we know, deep in our hearts that they aren’t; just think back, did your parents know what you were doing at 16?<br /><br />So get informed! Learn what the drugs are (www.streetdrugs.org), what the lingo is (www.noslang.com), and be proactive. Yes, you may make a mistake, maybe even over react and risk having your adolescent mad at you, but an angry teen is a lot better than the alternative.Bar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3045202762244728657.post-54392002718072097822009-10-11T07:19:00.000-07:002009-10-11T07:46:52.962-07:005th Annual PDW in Park CityI just got back from spending 3 days in beautiful (and surprisingly cold) Park City, UT where I joined 80 other consultants, therapists and clinicians for meals, workshops, social time and presentations. This year the folks at Aspen did things differently, and they joined the "speed dating" phenomenon and gave us each 20 minutes to sit with clinicians, executive directors and line staff to learn what's new at their programs. By no means did these 20 minute "dates" take the place of a full visit, but I found them a great way to catch up with what's new at the 6 programs I spent time with. <br /><br />In addition to the speed dating there were some great sessions. I attended a 3 hour, two part session about trends in drug use among teens and young adults which was very educational, and a quite scary. The session was presented by two police officers/school compliance officers, so it was some real frontline stuff.<br /><br />Michele Borba gave us a 2 hour presentation on parenting which was excellent and I don’t think there was a truly dry eye in the house when Erik Wahl gave his closing keynote, on using inspiration to overcoming mediocrity which combined inspirational speaking, discussion of left brain vs. right brain, painting and laughter; hard to describe, but really amazing stuff.<br />Later in the week I’m going to be adding links to my site not only for the sessions I went to last week, but also some others which I think everyone would find interesting.<br /><br />Until next time,<br /><br />BarBar Clarkehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15876960546095947379noreply@blogger.com0