By Dr. Karen Khaleghi
The death of Whitney Houston cast a brief light on the phenomenon of parents partying with their children. It certainly has not been the focus of the conversation, but it has provided a crucial “teachable moment” on an issue that needs to come out into the light.
In working with those suffering from addiction, being a parent and conducting parent education talks over the past 22-plus years, I would like to share my take on the motivations on why parents party with their kids.
“It’s like we’re more friends than parent and child.”
As kids grow up and become increasingly independent they establish their own life with friends. Some parents do not want to see their kid go off without them, so they seek instead to become part of the group. When the group parties, then the parent parties. This is based on the parents’ needs not the kids’.
“I can teach them how to hold their liquor.”
I regularly have had parents tell me they feel it is best to teach their children how to “hold their liquor,” and the only way to do that is to drink with their kids. This can also include smoking marijuana and, rarely, includes the use of other drugs.
“They’re going to drink anyway; it’s safer for them to drink at home.”
These parents don’t want to worry about their children drinking and driving or otherwise getting into trouble when they are out with their friends. Instead, they provide alcohol at home, believing it is better than having their kids trying to buy alcohol on their own.
“They’re just more fun to be around.”
These parents feel their kids are more enjoyable to have around at family get-togethers when the kid also has a buzz going. One mother told me that her teenage daughters were unpleasant to have at family dinners but became much more fun to have around when the kid also had a Margarita or shot.
“But it’s prescription …”
It is a fact that we live in a culture that likes its pills. Ads on TV and the financial profiles of drug companies substantiate this reality. Parents can serve to reinforce this mentality or teach another approach. For the most part, a parent with a medicine chest full of pills will have a child who develops pill use; and this use may start off as relatively harmless but lead to a pill addiction.
It is also essential to understand that addiction is frequently a generational problem, and for recovery to occur it is important to understand what has occurred to make it a recurring family dilemma.
Keep in mind that kids don’t need parents to be their best friends; they need parents to provide guidance and structure. With each parental dilemma, it is helpful to ask yourself if the action is in the service of the child or the parent. Understand that, through parenting, you are sending messages, and much of this is subtext. For example, if you drink with your underage children, you are letting them know that underage drinking is acceptable and that laws and social rules are acceptable to break.
Take the issue of drug and alcohol use from an objective perspective. It is very helpful to start with a look at all the issues surrounding alcohol and drug use and in that you are teaching you kid a decision tree approach to a complex issue. In doing this you start with the facts … just the facts, and work your way out. For example: the legal age for drinking is 21; what are the legal consequences for someone drinking before the legal age for both the kid and the parent? So, you are discussing consequences for their action and at the same time the parent is reminding themselves of the consequences for their decisions.
Approach the use alcohol and drugs from health and safety first perspective. If you believe that it is inevitable that you kid will drink or take drugs establish an agreement about how situations are handled. For example, you can state that you will be the bad guy and that if they are faced with a peer pressure situation you can take the fall: i.e., my parents will take away my car, ground me for life, etc. Further, you can tell your kids that while you do not condone them using, you want to be called if they get themselves into trouble and that whatever consequences they will receive will go better if they call home for help, for a ride, when things feel out of control, etc.
And understand that your kids watch every move that you make … even when you think that they are not listening or watching. Know that if every social event you have involves alcohol your child is learning that socializing involves alcohol. If you find yourself saying things like: “It’s been a rough week, I deserve a drink, “It’s been a great week, let’s go get drinks,” or “I am so stressed; I need a drink,” you are in fact teaching your kid to sooth, celebrate and relax by drinking. And similarly with pills — if you turn to pills to alleviate stress, or depression or sleep difficulties then you are by example setting up that pills are the answer.
Parenting is complex and can call on all the patience, wisdom and self sacrifice you can muster at the same time it is the most rewarding endeavor in life.
Dr. Karen Khaleghi is director of education and co-founder of Creative Care Malibu.
Monday, March 5, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
"I'm sorry, Just What is an Independent Educational Consultant?"
It is a scene which has played out countless times for me over the years. I have the opportunity to exchange business cards with someone; after chatting for a bit they look at my card, and I watch their brow furrow more and more quizically as they read over my information. Eventualy the inevitable question comes: ”Just what is an Educational Consultant?”
While some of my colleagues may get frustrated by this question, I feel that for those of us in a relatively young (and rapidly growing) profession, we need to accept it. A case in point; last week on a tour of some adult rehab facilities, I ended up spending time describing the job of an Independent Educational Consultant (IEC).
I started, as I always do with my professional membership in IECA. I explained that being a member of IECA meant I had the highest professional standards, the broadest network of professionals and the support of a national organization. I went on to say that IECA is a large organization (900+ members) yet it is really organization about people and relationships. I also spoke of program visits, education centers, and advanced training. While they were appropriately impressed, I could tell that I was losing focus of what (in my opinion) an IEC really is. So I decided that I needed to tell them a story; a story I have told many times in the last 3 years, but it’s one which I feel epitomizes client/consultant teamwork.
Below is a letter written by one of my client’s parents, I wish I could tell you that I told their story this eloquently, but I can’t; what I can tell you that I don’t tout myself this much in my version of the story. Honestly, you can take my name out and insert any IEC...we all do the same thing...Also, while I’m in confession mode, I think I butchered the story a bit, but I think they got the drift…
So here is John’s* story, as told by Mom…
We knew in our hearts months before we came face to face with our 14-year-old son's activities, that we were entering into unchartered parental waters when it came to dealing with his unacceptable behavior. There was confusion and total terror not knowing what had happened to our wonderful, charming, smart, funny, pleasant son…and why.
Grounding him and serious monitoring of his every waking hour left us feeling exhausted from sleepless nights and emotionally sick from our never-ending suspicions. However, even these measures proved inadequate, because as although we were good, involved, and loving parents, we didn’t know what was happening. We were on a quest to find the right answer, but helpless and lost. Our dilemma was compounded by the fact that few of our social peers shared our zero tolerance toward drug and underage drinking policies. Close friends wanted to help, but didn't understand what it's like once your child begins to act out, and the "fear factor" of your child's survival enters your home.
At a critical moment, with police having just left our home, our son barricaded in his room, and our anniversary evening plans canceled, we received a life line from a friend of a friend. This man shared with absolute honesty his experience with his son and how an educational consultant, Bar Clarke, had helped him find his first glimmer of light in the tunnel of fear and darkness. He suggested we call Bar and went on to say that Bar saw his family through his son's therapeutic wilderness time and placement in a residential aftercare program. At the time of his call to us, his son was back at home attending college and was on a good life track.
This Good Samaritan was our introduction to educational consultants and we feel lucky that we did not have to interview ECs and flounder through this process. We had enough to worry about with our son, without the added stress of depending on an unknown EC.
Our son was on the young side and the thought of sending him away was heart wrenching and overwhelming. Bar was patient, informative, and never once pressured us to take action that we were not ready for. We were totally honest with Bar, our son's school administrators, and with ourselves. Our goal was to get help for our son, keep him safe, maintain our own sanity, and hopefully get him through 9th grade. Bar understood and supported our goal. He "hung in there with us" through many, many challenging moments and frantic phone calls. Six months after our first conversation with Bar, and a week after our son finished 9th grade, our son entered a wilderness program that Bar helped us find. Bar was an integral part of our family's very positive experience with our son's 11 week wilderness time.
Bar's familiarity with wilderness programs, working therapists, and therapeutic residential programs has been a tremendous component in our son's recovery and return to us from the dark side.
Working with Bar on an individually tailored process, we learned that your EC must tune in to you and your child, and interpret what each of you needs to be successful. The EC must understand the uniqueness of each child and family dynamics, and work within these parameters in an attempt to help the entire family. Not an easy task.
Bar's reputation with RTCs afforded our son the opportunity to attend a unique high school program that might not have otherwise accepted him. It was the right school for our son, and we never would have found it without Bar’s expertise.
Our son is our miracle child - he's flourishing, and his wonderful sense of self, humor, and desire to succeed is back. I am not sure we would be where we are today without Bar’s role in this process.
While some of my colleagues may get frustrated by this question, I feel that for those of us in a relatively young (and rapidly growing) profession, we need to accept it. A case in point; last week on a tour of some adult rehab facilities, I ended up spending time describing the job of an Independent Educational Consultant (IEC).
I started, as I always do with my professional membership in IECA. I explained that being a member of IECA meant I had the highest professional standards, the broadest network of professionals and the support of a national organization. I went on to say that IECA is a large organization (900+ members) yet it is really organization about people and relationships. I also spoke of program visits, education centers, and advanced training. While they were appropriately impressed, I could tell that I was losing focus of what (in my opinion) an IEC really is. So I decided that I needed to tell them a story; a story I have told many times in the last 3 years, but it’s one which I feel epitomizes client/consultant teamwork.
Below is a letter written by one of my client’s parents, I wish I could tell you that I told their story this eloquently, but I can’t; what I can tell you that I don’t tout myself this much in my version of the story. Honestly, you can take my name out and insert any IEC...we all do the same thing...Also, while I’m in confession mode, I think I butchered the story a bit, but I think they got the drift…
So here is John’s* story, as told by Mom…
We knew in our hearts months before we came face to face with our 14-year-old son's activities, that we were entering into unchartered parental waters when it came to dealing with his unacceptable behavior. There was confusion and total terror not knowing what had happened to our wonderful, charming, smart, funny, pleasant son…and why.
Grounding him and serious monitoring of his every waking hour left us feeling exhausted from sleepless nights and emotionally sick from our never-ending suspicions. However, even these measures proved inadequate, because as although we were good, involved, and loving parents, we didn’t know what was happening. We were on a quest to find the right answer, but helpless and lost. Our dilemma was compounded by the fact that few of our social peers shared our zero tolerance toward drug and underage drinking policies. Close friends wanted to help, but didn't understand what it's like once your child begins to act out, and the "fear factor" of your child's survival enters your home.
At a critical moment, with police having just left our home, our son barricaded in his room, and our anniversary evening plans canceled, we received a life line from a friend of a friend. This man shared with absolute honesty his experience with his son and how an educational consultant, Bar Clarke, had helped him find his first glimmer of light in the tunnel of fear and darkness. He suggested we call Bar and went on to say that Bar saw his family through his son's therapeutic wilderness time and placement in a residential aftercare program. At the time of his call to us, his son was back at home attending college and was on a good life track.
This Good Samaritan was our introduction to educational consultants and we feel lucky that we did not have to interview ECs and flounder through this process. We had enough to worry about with our son, without the added stress of depending on an unknown EC.
Our son was on the young side and the thought of sending him away was heart wrenching and overwhelming. Bar was patient, informative, and never once pressured us to take action that we were not ready for. We were totally honest with Bar, our son's school administrators, and with ourselves. Our goal was to get help for our son, keep him safe, maintain our own sanity, and hopefully get him through 9th grade. Bar understood and supported our goal. He "hung in there with us" through many, many challenging moments and frantic phone calls. Six months after our first conversation with Bar, and a week after our son finished 9th grade, our son entered a wilderness program that Bar helped us find. Bar was an integral part of our family's very positive experience with our son's 11 week wilderness time.
Bar's familiarity with wilderness programs, working therapists, and therapeutic residential programs has been a tremendous component in our son's recovery and return to us from the dark side.
Working with Bar on an individually tailored process, we learned that your EC must tune in to you and your child, and interpret what each of you needs to be successful. The EC must understand the uniqueness of each child and family dynamics, and work within these parameters in an attempt to help the entire family. Not an easy task.
Bar's reputation with RTCs afforded our son the opportunity to attend a unique high school program that might not have otherwise accepted him. It was the right school for our son, and we never would have found it without Bar’s expertise.
Our son is our miracle child - he's flourishing, and his wonderful sense of self, humor, and desire to succeed is back. I am not sure we would be where we are today without Bar’s role in this process.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Dr. Leonard Sax Presenting on Gender Issues at Dallas IECA Conference
For the last few months, I have been obsessed with reading two of Dr. Sax's books, "Boys Adrift" and "Girls on the Edge". I have found myself preaching the sermon according to Sax to anyone who will listen, and have had a wonderful time exchanging snippets of his books with friends and colleagues on Facebook and Twitter; and, oh yes, and in person as well!
In "Boys Adrift" Dr. Sax describes the five factors driving the decline of boys as:
Video Games. Studies suggest that some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits.
Teaching Methods. Profound changes in the way children are educated have had the unintended consequence of turning many boys off school.
Prescription Drugs. Overuse of medication for ADHD may be causing irreversible damage to the motivational centers in boys’ brains.
Endocrine Disruptors. Environmental estrogens from plastic bottles and food sources may be lowering boys’ testosterone levels, making their bones more brittle and throwing their endocrine systems out of whack.
Devaluation of Masculinity. Shifts in popular culture have transformed the role models of manhood. Forty years ago we had Father Knows Best; today we have The Simpsons.
In "Girls on the Edge" he looks at:
Sexual identity. Why bisexual girls may be more numerous and/or more evident today, particularly with regard to the sexualization of girlhood.
The cyberbubble. The typical teenage girl in the USA now sends 80 text messages per day, compared with 30 text messages per day sent by the typical teenage boy.
Obsessions. How common is cutting? Is cutting more common among girls than among boys? Even ten years ago, it was unusual to find girls cutting themselves. Today it's common.
Chapter 4: Endocrine disruptors. The risks of PET (polyethylene terephathalate)
These are fascinating reads, and ones which make you really think about children, and our role in helping them help themselves. I am eagerly anticipating attending Dr Sax's sessions at the IECA conference later this week in Dallas, and am looking forward to reporting back here with new insights gained...
In "Boys Adrift" Dr. Sax describes the five factors driving the decline of boys as:
Video Games. Studies suggest that some of the most popular video games are disengaging boys from real-world pursuits.
Teaching Methods. Profound changes in the way children are educated have had the unintended consequence of turning many boys off school.
Prescription Drugs. Overuse of medication for ADHD may be causing irreversible damage to the motivational centers in boys’ brains.
Endocrine Disruptors. Environmental estrogens from plastic bottles and food sources may be lowering boys’ testosterone levels, making their bones more brittle and throwing their endocrine systems out of whack.
Devaluation of Masculinity. Shifts in popular culture have transformed the role models of manhood. Forty years ago we had Father Knows Best; today we have The Simpsons.
In "Girls on the Edge" he looks at:
Sexual identity. Why bisexual girls may be more numerous and/or more evident today, particularly with regard to the sexualization of girlhood.
The cyberbubble. The typical teenage girl in the USA now sends 80 text messages per day, compared with 30 text messages per day sent by the typical teenage boy.
Obsessions. How common is cutting? Is cutting more common among girls than among boys? Even ten years ago, it was unusual to find girls cutting themselves. Today it's common.
Chapter 4: Endocrine disruptors. The risks of PET (polyethylene terephathalate)
These are fascinating reads, and ones which make you really think about children, and our role in helping them help themselves. I am eagerly anticipating attending Dr Sax's sessions at the IECA conference later this week in Dallas, and am looking forward to reporting back here with new insights gained...
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Travel and the Independent Educational Consultant
“No sweetie, really, it’s actually colder here!”
That was part of the phone call I had with my 12 year old daughter, when I called her from Newport Beach, CA last week. I had to laugh about it; I had left ME, where one expects it to be cold in the fall, and landed in a cold, wet, and I dare say dreary, southern CA. I know I shouldn’t complain, as IEC’s we do travel to some pretty remarkable places, and yes there are certain perks to the number of miles we fly (no checked bag fee, yeah!) But still… Rain? In Southern CA? Really?
Because of the amount of time we as Independent Educational Consultants spend on the road visiting schools, programs and clients; sometimes I think we get a bit jaded, overwhelmed, and well just plain old tired. After all, to maintain our membership in good standing with IECA, we have to visit programs and schools constantly, and in a busy year we can - when you figure that for those of us in the therapeutic world many of the programs are quite remote - sometimes be out of the office for a week and only have the chance to visit a few programs.
With that knowledge, when I kept hearing about School Connections and the opportunity it presented of meeting one on one with up to 30 school representatives, coupled with the fact that I had only heard great things about it, and the fact that this fall’s offering was in an area near a few programs I wanted to visit, it didn’t take a lot of convincing to get me to go.
After a day and a half of 20+ 25 minute meetings with program representatives, I can honestly say SC is a wonderful opportunity for seasoned IEC’s to complement the visits they do as members of IECA. I found the time flew by, and after every meeting I came away with a new idea/fact/nugget about each program. Many of the programs I had visited, and this time together gave us uninterrupted time to get caught up on new initiatives etc. As for the programs I hadn’t visited, or didn’t know, they were able to give me enough information to entice me to visit so I could make a true assessment after a site visit. O.K. I’ll admit it; it didn’t take a lot of convincing to get me to say I’ll visit the Hawaii programs!
As usual during my travels, I had a brutal schedule filled with meetings, clients, phone calls, etc from breakfast through dinner, and as usual I ended the trip with that odd mixture IEC’s often have of feeling simultaneously utterly exhausted and energized. I’ve only been back for 3 days, and I am already looking forward to meeting up with some new found friends at the IECA Conference in Dallas next month, and, oh, maybe I need to book that trip to Hawaii, I hear the rainy season is almost over!
That was part of the phone call I had with my 12 year old daughter, when I called her from Newport Beach, CA last week. I had to laugh about it; I had left ME, where one expects it to be cold in the fall, and landed in a cold, wet, and I dare say dreary, southern CA. I know I shouldn’t complain, as IEC’s we do travel to some pretty remarkable places, and yes there are certain perks to the number of miles we fly (no checked bag fee, yeah!) But still… Rain? In Southern CA? Really?
Because of the amount of time we as Independent Educational Consultants spend on the road visiting schools, programs and clients; sometimes I think we get a bit jaded, overwhelmed, and well just plain old tired. After all, to maintain our membership in good standing with IECA, we have to visit programs and schools constantly, and in a busy year we can - when you figure that for those of us in the therapeutic world many of the programs are quite remote - sometimes be out of the office for a week and only have the chance to visit a few programs.
With that knowledge, when I kept hearing about School Connections and the opportunity it presented of meeting one on one with up to 30 school representatives, coupled with the fact that I had only heard great things about it, and the fact that this fall’s offering was in an area near a few programs I wanted to visit, it didn’t take a lot of convincing to get me to go.
After a day and a half of 20+ 25 minute meetings with program representatives, I can honestly say SC is a wonderful opportunity for seasoned IEC’s to complement the visits they do as members of IECA. I found the time flew by, and after every meeting I came away with a new idea/fact/nugget about each program. Many of the programs I had visited, and this time together gave us uninterrupted time to get caught up on new initiatives etc. As for the programs I hadn’t visited, or didn’t know, they were able to give me enough information to entice me to visit so I could make a true assessment after a site visit. O.K. I’ll admit it; it didn’t take a lot of convincing to get me to say I’ll visit the Hawaii programs!
As usual during my travels, I had a brutal schedule filled with meetings, clients, phone calls, etc from breakfast through dinner, and as usual I ended the trip with that odd mixture IEC’s often have of feeling simultaneously utterly exhausted and energized. I’ve only been back for 3 days, and I am already looking forward to meeting up with some new found friends at the IECA Conference in Dallas next month, and, oh, maybe I need to book that trip to Hawaii, I hear the rainy season is almost over!
Friday, July 29, 2011
Teamwork and the Independent Educational Consultant
“Don’t worry Bar, most of them are small rapids. “
Small rapids…to me the expression small rapids is akin to jumbo shrimp; an oxymoron plain and simple.
So as I braced myself and plunged down river through the seemingly 12 foot walls of water, and 20 foot waterfalls (ok; an exaggeration I’ll admit, but still it was scary!) I realized, all too quickly, that my life, or at the very least my ability to walk without a significant limp, was in serious jeopardy.
I knew that this trip was a leap of faith; after all, I was putting my life in the hands of not only a guide who seemed to be younger than some of the t shirts I own but also a group of friends, some of whom I had known a grand total of 2 days, and others who had literally never whitewater rafted…yes, nervous is a good word to use…
As I did that day on the river, our families take a leap of faith when they retain us as IEC’s. Just as I wasn’t initially aware of my guide’s training, often times, through no fault of their own, our clients aren’t aware of the training and hard work that goes into a placement. Also, as I drifted down the river, I wasn’t aware that the rest of my team was going to be there for me at every turn, and we were going to work together to steer our way out of danger. Similarly, my families aren’t often aware of the team approach we use to help them through the difficult times, usually by the time families contact us at Loeta they are in dire straits, are seeking out answers, and are ready to work as a team; they just don’t know it…
So I learned a lot that day on the river; I gained a further appreciation for my clients and where they are coming from on an emotional level, I learned that teamwork isn’t just a phrase, but is a very important and real concept, and, pehaps most importantly, I learned that when a guide yells paddle right hard; she means it, lest you get very wet!
Small rapids…to me the expression small rapids is akin to jumbo shrimp; an oxymoron plain and simple.
So as I braced myself and plunged down river through the seemingly 12 foot walls of water, and 20 foot waterfalls (ok; an exaggeration I’ll admit, but still it was scary!) I realized, all too quickly, that my life, or at the very least my ability to walk without a significant limp, was in serious jeopardy.
I knew that this trip was a leap of faith; after all, I was putting my life in the hands of not only a guide who seemed to be younger than some of the t shirts I own but also a group of friends, some of whom I had known a grand total of 2 days, and others who had literally never whitewater rafted…yes, nervous is a good word to use…
As I did that day on the river, our families take a leap of faith when they retain us as IEC’s. Just as I wasn’t initially aware of my guide’s training, often times, through no fault of their own, our clients aren’t aware of the training and hard work that goes into a placement. Also, as I drifted down the river, I wasn’t aware that the rest of my team was going to be there for me at every turn, and we were going to work together to steer our way out of danger. Similarly, my families aren’t often aware of the team approach we use to help them through the difficult times, usually by the time families contact us at Loeta they are in dire straits, are seeking out answers, and are ready to work as a team; they just don’t know it…
So I learned a lot that day on the river; I gained a further appreciation for my clients and where they are coming from on an emotional level, I learned that teamwork isn’t just a phrase, but is a very important and real concept, and, pehaps most importantly, I learned that when a guide yells paddle right hard; she means it, lest you get very wet!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Advice for Parents of At-Risk Teens or Know What You Know...
A while ago my check engine light came on.
“Uh, oh.” I thought.
You see, my trusty old Subaru, like its owner, isn’t the spring chicken it once was and is starting to show its age. Despite that, and the fact that to me the internal combustion engine is akin to magic, I decided I needed to open the hood and take a look. After a quick survey, I came to a realization; I had no idea what I was looking for.
I actually started to laugh at myself as I realized that me simply staring at the engine isn’t going to somehow magically fix it. Alas, I realized, time to accept what I don’t know and take the car to a mechanic.
Once I got home and thought about the events of the day, it got me thinking about a session I did at the last IECA meeting entitled “Know What You Know, Know What You Don’t Know”. With three IEC’s leading the discussion, it was a great session exploring an issue we as IEC’s often grapple with; that of wanting to serve as many families as we can countered with how we must remain true to our acquired specialty. There was some wonderful and lively debate, but all of us came to the same conclusion that we all need to, as the session title said, know what we know and know what we don’t.
The advice we were giving ourselves in that session is the same advice I often give my families. I feel that they, as parents, have a unique and important perspective and that information they have is crucial to me offering well-informed and pro-active choices for them to consider. Too often families come to me defeated, thinking that somehow that because they have a child with behavioral issues then they are a failure as a parent and that they should just give up. They have been beaten up so much, that they sometimes forget how much they know, and therefore how important they are. I always advise my families to share everything, and to take solace in knowing that if I can’t help them, I’ll make sure we get the experts who can.
I think a lot of my parents find it a relief that I don’t expect them to know everything; just to know what they know…
So my car…
Turns out it was the catalytic converter; but because I brought it to the right mechanic, he was able to get the repair covered under warranty, so not only did it pay off to go an expert, but to the right expert; but that’s a blog for another day…
“Uh, oh.” I thought.
You see, my trusty old Subaru, like its owner, isn’t the spring chicken it once was and is starting to show its age. Despite that, and the fact that to me the internal combustion engine is akin to magic, I decided I needed to open the hood and take a look. After a quick survey, I came to a realization; I had no idea what I was looking for.
I actually started to laugh at myself as I realized that me simply staring at the engine isn’t going to somehow magically fix it. Alas, I realized, time to accept what I don’t know and take the car to a mechanic.
Once I got home and thought about the events of the day, it got me thinking about a session I did at the last IECA meeting entitled “Know What You Know, Know What You Don’t Know”. With three IEC’s leading the discussion, it was a great session exploring an issue we as IEC’s often grapple with; that of wanting to serve as many families as we can countered with how we must remain true to our acquired specialty. There was some wonderful and lively debate, but all of us came to the same conclusion that we all need to, as the session title said, know what we know and know what we don’t.
The advice we were giving ourselves in that session is the same advice I often give my families. I feel that they, as parents, have a unique and important perspective and that information they have is crucial to me offering well-informed and pro-active choices for them to consider. Too often families come to me defeated, thinking that somehow that because they have a child with behavioral issues then they are a failure as a parent and that they should just give up. They have been beaten up so much, that they sometimes forget how much they know, and therefore how important they are. I always advise my families to share everything, and to take solace in knowing that if I can’t help them, I’ll make sure we get the experts who can.
I think a lot of my parents find it a relief that I don’t expect them to know everything; just to know what they know…
So my car…
Turns out it was the catalytic converter; but because I brought it to the right mechanic, he was able to get the repair covered under warranty, so not only did it pay off to go an expert, but to the right expert; but that’s a blog for another day…
Monday, March 28, 2011
You Are What You WUPHF; Or The Changing Face of Independent Educational Consulting
Recently I was catching up on some shows I had recorded on my DVR, and I found myself involved in a 3 hour marathon of “The Office”. One episode which really stood out was last year’s season finale where Ryan developed a new social media mega-site called WUPHF. On WUPHF (pronounced Woof) you could link all of your contact information into one account so when you received one thing, say a fax, it would come through on all of your accounts. There is one great scene where Ryan is in his closet/office and everything starts ringing/buzzing and chirping at him at the same time… Of course typical of the show, they beat the joke into the ground (anyone who knows my family, knows why I love this humor so much) and by the end the WUPHF sounds completely ridiculous.
But is it?
Sure we don’t WUPHF, but if 15 years ago I had uttered this sentence; “Hey, got your RSS Feed, and I’m going to link it through to my Facebook and Twitter in a few; you mind if I blog about it too?” You most likely would have looked at me as quizzically as you would if I told you you’d be struggling with the decision of whether to get the iPad2 with or without the 3G capabilities. It’s true, what once seemed crazy is now normal.
In a similar vein, the field of Educational Consulting has grown in ways no-one could have imagined. While 15 years ago there were some incredible people doing amazing work, it was in many ways, a cottage industry. One was able, through hard work and word of mouth, to build and maintain a strong, profitable business. For good or bad, that is no more. The new normal is that there are now over 800 members of IECA , the majority of these new members go through a 5 day rigorous training session, the IECA Conferences now draw over 1,000 participants per conference on average and IEC’s, in general, are more trained and specialized than ever before. In addition, most IEC’s have websites, Twitter accounts, Facebook accounts and many Blog (which is an awesome verb by the way). And, most importantly for those of us who are IEC’s, more and more families are utilizing our services. Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all of this change is for the better; I feel that many of our more seasoned consultants can teach us all a thing or two about more traditional office practices, like phone calls, face to face time and word of mouth advertising, but this change is, for better or worse, normal.
At Loeta we look to these new ideas as opportunities, not only opportunities to present and promote Loeta Educational Consultants, but, more importantly, to promote the field of Educational Consulting. As members of today’s IECA, we are able to combine these new technologies, both within IECA and the schools themselves, with the more traditional aspects of school or program evaluation to assist us in developing not only a strong rapport with the schools, but also a stellar reputation as independent voices for our clients. There isn’t another profession which can lay claim to that fact.
Now we don’t have the hubris to think we know where all of this electronic media is going, but we do like the fact that IEC’s, partnering with IECA, are able to use these various social media tools, known and future, to spread the word of Educational Consulting as a profession. We look forward to that day when the first thing a family thinks of when they have a educational decision - whether it be for college, boarding school or wilderness therapy - will be to reach out to their neighborhood Independent Educational Consultant…
And who knows, maybe they’ll WUPHF us…
Learn about WUPHF here…
But is it?
Sure we don’t WUPHF, but if 15 years ago I had uttered this sentence; “Hey, got your RSS Feed, and I’m going to link it through to my Facebook and Twitter in a few; you mind if I blog about it too?” You most likely would have looked at me as quizzically as you would if I told you you’d be struggling with the decision of whether to get the iPad2 with or without the 3G capabilities. It’s true, what once seemed crazy is now normal.
In a similar vein, the field of Educational Consulting has grown in ways no-one could have imagined. While 15 years ago there were some incredible people doing amazing work, it was in many ways, a cottage industry. One was able, through hard work and word of mouth, to build and maintain a strong, profitable business. For good or bad, that is no more. The new normal is that there are now over 800 members of IECA , the majority of these new members go through a 5 day rigorous training session, the IECA Conferences now draw over 1,000 participants per conference on average and IEC’s, in general, are more trained and specialized than ever before. In addition, most IEC’s have websites, Twitter accounts, Facebook accounts and many Blog (which is an awesome verb by the way). And, most importantly for those of us who are IEC’s, more and more families are utilizing our services. Now please don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying all of this change is for the better; I feel that many of our more seasoned consultants can teach us all a thing or two about more traditional office practices, like phone calls, face to face time and word of mouth advertising, but this change is, for better or worse, normal.
At Loeta we look to these new ideas as opportunities, not only opportunities to present and promote Loeta Educational Consultants, but, more importantly, to promote the field of Educational Consulting. As members of today’s IECA, we are able to combine these new technologies, both within IECA and the schools themselves, with the more traditional aspects of school or program evaluation to assist us in developing not only a strong rapport with the schools, but also a stellar reputation as independent voices for our clients. There isn’t another profession which can lay claim to that fact.
Now we don’t have the hubris to think we know where all of this electronic media is going, but we do like the fact that IEC’s, partnering with IECA, are able to use these various social media tools, known and future, to spread the word of Educational Consulting as a profession. We look forward to that day when the first thing a family thinks of when they have a educational decision - whether it be for college, boarding school or wilderness therapy - will be to reach out to their neighborhood Independent Educational Consultant…
And who knows, maybe they’ll WUPHF us…
Learn about WUPHF here…
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